ACOA plus in recovery, too. I work a strong 12-step program for my own addictions. Just wanted to get that out there. Not that it should matter. Anyway, here's my experience, hoping it will help you:
I was advised by two separate therapists to go NC with my personality disordered, abusive, mentally ill, "alcoholic-behaviored"family members. I couldn't do it, because of the guilt. When I finally did it, some 20 years later, I decided to go VLC. It consisted of emails as well as phone calls on birthdays/holidays.
It took some time even for that to work, however, because the page long ranting, raging, angry, negative emails continued, as did the nosy, obnoxious emails without boundaries, etc. that would make me cry hysterically. Finally somewhere along the way, they figured it out and learned that I will only answer emails about the weather, movies, food, etc. and will ignore the rest. Also they finally learned to be ok with my not dropping everything to reply right away. I don't share any personal info with them anymore.
The phone calls are still difficult, because they vent the entire time, and throw up their sh*t in my ears as my role has always been family scapegoat and sounding board. I have to set boundaries with those phone calls as well, even if they try to make me feel guilty about having to get off the phone. Make sure you always have an "out" on the phone. Think of different ones to say "Gotta go walk the dog, now, mom!" or "My cell phone is ringing and it's a work call, mom!" Whatever it is, have a few and use them. Keep all calls SHORT.
Finally getting out of their tornado of drama, chaos, personality disordered mental illness, lack of boundaries, passive-aggressiveness, complete and utter self-absorption, was what finally allowed me to make progress for the first time in therapy and recovery.
Seeing them in person--well that hasn't happened in years and it still causes PTSD-like reactions from me just being in the same room with them, so I'm not sure I am or ever will be up to that task. I don't care what people think anymore when they look at me puzzled that I don't see my family or spend holidays with them. I am doing what I need to do for my own peace of mind, sanity, and recovery. It's not the social norm, but too bad. I don't even think I will be able to go to funerals or weddings ever again. It's a panic attack emergency room level waiting to happen. I guess I have more work to do.
The only thing I had to figure out was living with my self-imposed guilt. Don't let that spoil it for you.
I wish you the very best.
You deserve to have a life. Don't forget that. Don't let drowning people drag you down with them.