Welcome to SR. ((((hugs))))
Congratulations on your pregnancy, your little one, and caring so much about your children.
When I first arrived here, I thought that for me to be okay, and life with my husband to be okay, he needed to stop drinking.
After my husband went through two rounds of addiction rehab, I found that getting sober was only the tip of the iceberg. What I wasn't seeing was my part in things and that I could step off the merry-go-round while still being married. It wasn't the black and white my mind saw. So much of what he says and does are direct symptoms of this disease. Those symptoms distracted me from what I could be doing to help myself and our family. This disease lies to my husband as much as it's lied to me, daily, in many ways.
Thankfully, I kept hearing here how beneficial Alanon was to many people and I finally started going to meetings... then I started going regularly... then when I was ready, I got a sponsor and started working the steps. I could have started my healing process sooner had I been ready sooner, but as an alcoholic can't be forced to "be ready", I couldn't be forced into finding my own recovery from this Family Disease of Alcoholism any sooner than I did. Going to meetings was at first very hard for me. I am now a very grateful member of Alanon.
I no longer am anxious. I no longer have a binding tightness in my chest. My healthy is improving. I'm happy very often and can let myself feel whatever feelings come without being overwhelmed or hurt by them. I now have self-confidence, enjoy my job and family, and have learned how to surround myself with healthy support. Best of all, because of SR and Alanon, I'm becoming a much better parent.
My husband is currently in recovery and taking his sobriety one day at a time (we're both finding how beneficial this is). The past few months he was finding his bottom and I was able to lovingly, compassionately, let him. This disease is so very counter-intuitive to anything I could have, or did try to, come up with the solution for both on my own and with many doctors, family and friends. The people in AA and Alanon understand in ways I couldn't until I started actually working the program. I take the actions for myself, and good things happen, not dependent on whether my husband is sober, drinking or in recovery.
Looking back, I don't know why I was so resistant to going to Alanon. I wanted to make sense of it before I went and thought I could find everything I needed online and within my immediate family and circle of friends. I'm glad I finally gave it a good try and kept going back. Thank you to all here at SR who encouraged me in that!
I found that posting here and attending in-person Alanon meetings to be a huge help, and that I didn't need to do anything until/when/if I was ready, and that I could change my mind without causing any problems that couldn't somehow still work themselves out. Easy does it. One day at a time. Life does get better and there is hope.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-al-anon.html http://al-anon.org/find-a-meeting http://al-anon.org/about-group-meeti...f-im-not-ready