Hi, Hummer--glad you found your way over here! This pretty much says it all, and not just in reference to the infidelity:
My guess is you only know a little about what he is really up to.
My XAH stood in my kitchen yesterday and informed me that during our marriage, I only "knew what he allowed me to know" and that he had indeed "purposely lied to and manipulated me" throughout. I think that may be the only true thing he's told me in many, many years. And I'm certain I will never know 1/10th of all he's done behind my back.
He seems to think that makes him much smarter than me. I think that makes him a lying, stealing scumbucket. I'm pretty sure I'm right, not him...
I would imagine that your situation has a lot of levels and sublevels too, but it doesn't matter there any more than it matters in my case now. You have plenty of reason to start looking to your own welfare, and I hope you do so, however that may play out for you.