"But what if I'm just self medicating?"
Another excuse. I wouldn't need to drink or take pills if I didn't feel so depressed or anxious.
Maybe my problem is depression and/or anxiety and my mild to moderate abuse of substances is just a result of that.
I've tried help for depression and anxiety (that's what I take the pills for, currently....they don't even work unless I increase the dose) and I've tried therapy and it's just so slow. I spend lots of money and make no progress. I just want a way to be at peace with my life and the 12 steps promise that. I'm not really interested in other methods of recovery cause I don't just want to get clean and sober - I want a life worth living. I'm not even taking that much medicine but my problem is that I don't feel okay without it. It's not even working and I can't get more, so I feel dry, I guess.
Just reaching out. Didn't make it to a meeting this morning cause I woke in the night with so much anxiety and couldn't get back to sleep.