Welcome Tiger64. I just joined two days ago...trying to make it through day 3. I'm active military and know some of what you're going through. My family saw me drinking the beer, but not downing the little tequila shooters hid around the house. I don't think we plan to end up where we are...it's just a progressive disease...and then one day you wake up and say "What the **** am I doing to myself/life/others." We're here for you. One thing, have you tried going to the VA for help as well?