I have had enough
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 5
I have had enough
Hi everyone.
Not sure of what to say here. I have been reading post all this morning, and finally decided to register and post myself.
I am ready to give up alcohol. I have had a problem with drinking now for so long I cannot even remember when it started. It has gotten progressively worse these past couple of years and these past few months have taken a toll on me. Drinking every day, usually binge drinking. Even worse, all my drinking is done alone and in secret. None of my friends and family (that I know of) are aware of my drinking problem. I guess that makes me a "functioning alcoholic"?
I think my drinking got out of control when I went back to college full time 3 years ago. I am retired military and get full educational benefits so I have not had to keep a job and the responsibilities that accompany it. I am single with no children so my only responsibilities have been myself and classwork, which I have no problem with even when I am hungover. Bottom line, lots of free-time, little responsibility, and boredom led to alot of drinking to pass the time. Even before going back to school though I was drinking way too much. I think realistically I have been an alcoholic for 8 or 9 years.
I am so tired of being like this. I feel and look terrible and have little to no self respect anymore. I know my life would be so much better if I would just give up the booze for good. I have tried several times to quit, but always end up telling myself I can drink in moderation and start again. After trying that again, I am waking up from a three day bender, my celebration for finishing the semester.
I finally see I cannot drink alcohol anymore, not even a little. It has completely taken over my life, and that is scary. Everything rotates around getting drunk. My ritual of choice is watching movies until I pass out. Sometimes the next morning I can't even remember what I watched. It is just sad. How did I let myself get to this point?
So today is hopefully the first day to a new way of living. I have self detoxed before without much discomfort, so I am hoping I can get thru the next couple of weeks without relapsing.
I am not doing AA. I am not really religious and that program is to engrained in the idea that you have to have faith in God to really quit drinking. Instead I am going to find an addiction counselor to start seeing. I also am planning on being involved on this website and hopefully learn some things that can help me on this hard road I have before me.
Anyway, sorry this is so long, but just wanted to introduce myself. Somewhere deep inside me is the person I used to be before this addiction. I desperately want to find him.
Not sure of what to say here. I have been reading post all this morning, and finally decided to register and post myself.
I am ready to give up alcohol. I have had a problem with drinking now for so long I cannot even remember when it started. It has gotten progressively worse these past couple of years and these past few months have taken a toll on me. Drinking every day, usually binge drinking. Even worse, all my drinking is done alone and in secret. None of my friends and family (that I know of) are aware of my drinking problem. I guess that makes me a "functioning alcoholic"?
I think my drinking got out of control when I went back to college full time 3 years ago. I am retired military and get full educational benefits so I have not had to keep a job and the responsibilities that accompany it. I am single with no children so my only responsibilities have been myself and classwork, which I have no problem with even when I am hungover. Bottom line, lots of free-time, little responsibility, and boredom led to alot of drinking to pass the time. Even before going back to school though I was drinking way too much. I think realistically I have been an alcoholic for 8 or 9 years.
I am so tired of being like this. I feel and look terrible and have little to no self respect anymore. I know my life would be so much better if I would just give up the booze for good. I have tried several times to quit, but always end up telling myself I can drink in moderation and start again. After trying that again, I am waking up from a three day bender, my celebration for finishing the semester.
I finally see I cannot drink alcohol anymore, not even a little. It has completely taken over my life, and that is scary. Everything rotates around getting drunk. My ritual of choice is watching movies until I pass out. Sometimes the next morning I can't even remember what I watched. It is just sad. How did I let myself get to this point?
So today is hopefully the first day to a new way of living. I have self detoxed before without much discomfort, so I am hoping I can get thru the next couple of weeks without relapsing.
I am not doing AA. I am not really religious and that program is to engrained in the idea that you have to have faith in God to really quit drinking. Instead I am going to find an addiction counselor to start seeing. I also am planning on being involved on this website and hopefully learn some things that can help me on this hard road I have before me.
Anyway, sorry this is so long, but just wanted to introduce myself. Somewhere deep inside me is the person I used to be before this addiction. I desperately want to find him.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Your story sounds similar to mine. Too much time, started drinking. Then I developed a need for it, and the rest is history.
This site can be your lifeline and there is plenty to read here to keep busy and moving in a good direction. I know it was what saved me in early days.
Welcome, I'm glad you found us.
This site can be your lifeline and there is plenty to read here to keep busy and moving in a good direction. I know it was what saved me in early days.
Welcome, I'm glad you found us.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: UT
Posts: 22
Welcome Tiger64. I just joined two days ago...trying to make it through day 3. I'm active military and know some of what you're going through. My family saw me drinking the beer, but not downing the little tequila shooters hid around the house. I don't think we plan to end up where we are...it's just a progressive disease...and then one day you wake up and say "What the **** am I doing to myself/life/others." We're here for you. One thing, have you tried going to the VA for help as well?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Welcome Tiger.
Alcoholism is progressive. And it never goes the other way, if you keep drinking, things will just keep getting worse. I remember identifying myself as a 'functional alcoholic' in my first post here too. Now, looking back, that makes me laugh. I suppose, I was still at least a little functioning at the time- compared to some of the very worst cases. But I wasn't really functional at all compared to a normal non-drinker. I thought I was doing pretty good because I worked for the money to buy my booze rather than standing on the sidewalk with my hand out. As I built more sober time, I realized more and more how bad my drinking had gotten and everything that it had taken for me.
I can understand your feelings about AA. I used to feel much the same. I got sober using SR and didn't go to an AA meeting until I was more than a year and a half sober. Now, I go to AA twice a week and I'm not on SR so much anymore. There are things about AA that I still disagree with or think could be improved, but I have found I can ignore those things and I get a lot from it. A lot of AA people don't actually believe in 'God' and the program is very flexible about what somebody chooses as their higher power. You don't have to believe in anything to get a lot out of meetings. Some people say, "The sun always rises and I didn't make that happen, so there is something else out there". I'm not saying you have to go to AA- but maybe just leave it on the list as an option.
I can say that this is a wonderful site. I have relied on this place for support and information so much on my sober journey!
A note on self-detoxing that may or may not apply to you, but I want to mention for other people reading as well. Depending on how much you drank, you may need medical help while detoxing. Don't be afraid to contact a doctor. Many of us detox on our own and are just fine, but in extreme cases of alcoholism, detoxing alone can be deadly.
Alcoholism is progressive. And it never goes the other way, if you keep drinking, things will just keep getting worse. I remember identifying myself as a 'functional alcoholic' in my first post here too. Now, looking back, that makes me laugh. I suppose, I was still at least a little functioning at the time- compared to some of the very worst cases. But I wasn't really functional at all compared to a normal non-drinker. I thought I was doing pretty good because I worked for the money to buy my booze rather than standing on the sidewalk with my hand out. As I built more sober time, I realized more and more how bad my drinking had gotten and everything that it had taken for me.
I can understand your feelings about AA. I used to feel much the same. I got sober using SR and didn't go to an AA meeting until I was more than a year and a half sober. Now, I go to AA twice a week and I'm not on SR so much anymore. There are things about AA that I still disagree with or think could be improved, but I have found I can ignore those things and I get a lot from it. A lot of AA people don't actually believe in 'God' and the program is very flexible about what somebody chooses as their higher power. You don't have to believe in anything to get a lot out of meetings. Some people say, "The sun always rises and I didn't make that happen, so there is something else out there". I'm not saying you have to go to AA- but maybe just leave it on the list as an option.
I can say that this is a wonderful site. I have relied on this place for support and information so much on my sober journey!
A note on self-detoxing that may or may not apply to you, but I want to mention for other people reading as well. Depending on how much you drank, you may need medical help while detoxing. Don't be afraid to contact a doctor. Many of us detox on our own and are just fine, but in extreme cases of alcoholism, detoxing alone can be deadly.
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