Hi there. I have not read any of your previous posts yet so forgive me if I am off topic! But when I read this post it struck me that you seem to be looking for a guy and "drama" in your life as a way of escape and thinking that a successful Relationship as and when it arrives will somehow "complete you and make you happy'. A couple of years ago I was in an almost identical situation to your own. Crashing from one Relationship to another, getting off on the drama of it all whilst deep down knowing that it was just wearing away at my self esteem. My Psy then told me I should think about having 12 months "off men"! I found the idea hysterical at the time. The idea of not drinking for a year actually sounded easier than no men for a year!
But after a while I got my head around what he was saying. I was grappling with alcohol, depression, stress... did I really need bad relationships screwing me up even further. So I stopped dating, wiped all my dating site profiles and concentrated on ME and ME and ME. And above all my quest to get sober. I reconnected with family and friends. A year later, despite the alcohol addiction I can see much clearer what I want and most importantly what I don't want from a Relationship. And I know that the last thing I want is an unfulfilling date, relationship, games, second guessing or guys who just want one thing. Life's too short for all that crap and you owe yourself more. Get yourself in to a happy place, love yourself, then the rest will fall into place. I am still not dating. But still don't feel the need to or that I am ready too. But I know I will be soon! All the best to you.