Ok so I know after my last 2 experiences I was going on a complete man ban but then I met someone who seemed very nice, funny not pushy and kind! We met for a coffee and I had such a good time hadn't laughed that much in a very long time. He was also very charming but seemed to have a vulnerable side. He didn't text constantly all day or everyday, which I found weird but then thought my other attempts at dating didn't turn out with the constant texting so il just go with the flow and see how it goes.
So last night we had our 3rd date went out for a meal and then to his house, we talked for hours before it became obvious he was interested in sex. Initially I said no that I wasn't prepared to sleep with someone I was dating and we somehow got into this debate about how I need to go with the flow and do what feels right and if I wasn't ready for sex he thought I wasn't ready for anything else. I told him it was about respecting myself and I wouldn't sleep with someone who I am only dating especially someone who's dating others, he said he'd last had sex 3 weeks ago just when we started dating. I felt that I was having to justify why I wouldn't have sex with him and that he was trying to convince me I was wrong. We would drop the subject but he would bring it up again then say I was picking on him or questioning him, when he brought it up again. And yes maybe I did question him about things but not an interrogation just normal questions to what he was saying. He then said he wouldn't want to have sex now as I said no and he would be stubborn
A few times he said things that I got annoyed about and he knew it and I was going to go home a few times but he always said something sweet or would ask me about plans for the Christmas holidays together. I listened to his words and didn't wait to see if his actions matched and if he respected me enough to wait!!
I had a lot to drink more than I've had in a very long time and I ended up sleeping with him., even though he kept saying he was stubborn and wouldn't sleep with me!! As I was going home he was so keen asking when he would see me again and we arranged to meet each other tonight. Only for him to blow me off earlier today!!
Was I being manipulated?? Don't know I'm still not good at identifying this. Was I an idiot?? Absolutely yes!
I've made the same mistake again, looking to the wrong people to make me feel better. I just want to have some fun and feel something else other than lonliness and sadness. I have days where I feel good but the last few weeks haven't been good and I wasn't even going to go and meet him initially and hoped he would cancel and thought well if he does then it's what my higher power wants and if he doesn't then I'm meant to go!!
I know I brought this all on myself and I keep making the same mistakes!
Go on let me have it I deserve it I am totally useless at recovery!!
