Originally Posted by
Joshca1 
Hi all -
It seems though that the steps have just been reinforcing this - and I know I’m not supposed to be thinking this way… But I have just been given instructions for a sexual inventory - and the beginning of the instructions were “look at each sex encounter and relationship and examine who I have hurt, describe how I was at fault, detail where I was selfish, dishonest and inconsiderate…” Is the implication that each sex encounter and relationship that I’ve had means I’ve hurt somebody and that there’s fault and blame involved?
It’s like each part of the process is almost telling me I’m a piece of crap, my mind does this well enough as it is… I’ve prayed for right thought and action, as I’ve been told to do - with no avail or relief - and I’m almost at the point of leaving.
So I was just wondering if anybody else has struggled with low self-esteem and doing the steps in this fashion - and might have some advice on not getting so down on myself and this process...
Thanks
Shame and guilt were about all I brought into AA. I was fairly well stupified, very unwell, and I had no show of following an instruction like the one above. I would have been totally bewildered, it probably would have been the death of me. I did not have the intellectual capacity or life experience to understand what on earth this was all about. I was 22 with an emotional age of about 13.
Happily my sponsor took a different approach. We spent a full day on inventory, working through character defects from the Big Book list,
bible (seven deadly sins) and the hazeldine guide list. We discussed each defect and through that discussion I came to understand what it was and if and how it affected me and others. I came up with examples in my life that illustrated the harm created. Lust, selfishness, inconsideration, jealousy etc all came back to sex/harmful conduct, along with other issues. From this I was able to see the patterns and put my finger on my "grosser handicaps" which is the object of the fourth step.
This step brought a lot of understanding, but for me, the direct help of a compassionate and understanding sponsor was indispensable.
The next day I took the fifth with him and lost that dreadful sense of being the worst person ever to come to AA. I discovered I was just an ordinary alcoholic and what I had done were just normal alcohlic things. what a relief. Read the step 5 promises on page 75. You are only a few days away from realising them.