Originally Posted by
enfinthechange 
They have all gone out to the cinema. ... my husband doesn't want to talk to me, the marriage is over I guess. I am crying and sobbing and googling ways to kill myself... the magnitude of my stupidity is settling in, the harm and the damage and the fool I have made of myself. I think I am probably depressed anyway, certainly have some kind of mental problems, my husband hasn't met my needs really for ages, so pissed brain did something about it. With a guy up the road in the village...I just can't get over my stupidity.....
I can be sober, so far, but can I ever get over this.... I can't see how.
I can also see all the good my husband does, all the nice kind things... and now I have hurt him so bad....he has to deal with me ffs, that's bad enough job. Nown wonder he's grumpy and finds it hard to love me.... I'm a ****** nightmare.
enfinthechange, I can relate first of all. Unmet needs and I finally did something about it far too many times. The **** hit the fan when suspicions about me and his sisters husband arose, so I confessed to hubby and his sister. I felt suicidal at first, but it was actually the people I hurt making me feel that way because they looked at me like total scum. Apologize and move on. If he doesn't talk to you, so be it. Don't beat yourself up. My mishap happened in January and things are working out slowly but surely in my marriage. Don't expect him to forgive you overnight. Forgive yourself first. You wanted something you were not getting but you went about it in an unfaithful way. It's wrong, but it happened. Now it's time to pick up the pieces. The fact of the matter is there is still a void to be filled, some satisfaction that you are not getting, but lets focus on the sobriety first. We can do this together. (((Hugs))))