Jeff, you are a thoughtful and honest guy. Several times I've thought that perhaps you may not have been as committed as I thought you were -though, of course, I really hoped I was wrong.
I'm finding much of this is a "mind thing". I think that we need to see ourselves the way we are: good people who have a condition that we must learn to live and deal with if we want to survive and thrive. It took me quite awhile to go from not drinking to seeing myself in my mind's eye as a permanent non-drinker. I believe you will get there, too!