thomas11

I drank 3 drinks last night. I did not have one and pour it out like had the last two times. This morning I had that feeling (not a hangover, just knew that I had drank) and it was a stark reminder as to why I stopped drinking. I am not dwelling on it or beating myself up too bad, but dammit, if I had any illusions it would be different, I was wrong. I also kept reminding myself of all the posts on this site where people that had quit for quite some time and decided to test the waters and it went well for awhile, and within no-time they were right back where they started. I have that thought constantly running through my head. so sorry to all, but I haven't lost it, and I will remain a part of this community.

wehav2day

No need to apologize to anyone here, man. Your drinking isn't about us.

So why do you think you did it?

It seems like most folks who drink come back and post like this. I call it the "I drank, but..." Post.

I guess I'm asking you because you are a pretty direct and honest guy. Why do we often relapse then rationalize?

Good luck and good sober journey from here.

Dee74

Hi Jeff.

I'm glad you're right back.
Was it a social occasion?

D

SoberLife90

I needed to realize my insanity with alcohol. I could noy continue to drink and expect good results when time after time alcohol was kicking my arse. I had to admit that I was not like the average drinker. For me to drink meant failure. Once I realized the only way I could beat alcohol was to be completely abstinant it was crystal clear.

thomas11

I did it because it was a social occasion, and for normal drinkers, it was normal.

thomas11

Dee, it was a social occasion, I failed at being strong enough to say "no". a failure. But I will not fall back into the trap. I did not feel well for most of the day today, inexcusable.

thomas11

In the two previous episodes, I drank a drink and it was over. No repercussions, today I had some repercussions. It was all I needed to say.... "forget it". Nothing had changed, I physically did not feel 100% and did not enjoy any type of buzz. The whole experience was just like I read here everyday, full of shame and regret. I've said to others the same as I will say to myself, "learn from it" and move on. And I have learned.

Dee74

*ok unlicensed psych analysis mode on*

Honestly I think your biggest hurdle is always going to be how you look to other people.

I don't mean that in an insecure way, but you are fighting yourself a little.

I think a little part of you still views it as a weakness that you can't drink like everyone else. A little part of you still defines yourself as a drinker.

I think a little part of you is resentful that you can't and a little part of you simply doesn't want to be different.

You need to keep feeding that other part of you - the sober you who is more in touch with his life, his wife and his loved ones...the sober you who feels great and - most importantly, the sober you who is not afraid to strike out on a new path and doesn't give a damn what people think.

*unlicensed psych analysis mode off*
D

esinger

Glad you learned from it. Every time I go to a social event with my old drinking buddies it reminds me of why I don't drink. Of course these people are mostly over the top like me.
Be Well

SoberLeigh

I'm glad that you came right back, Jeff.

You are all the wiser for this experience. Alcohol just isn't for us.

2muchpain

Thomas11
I have no doubt that you will get through this setback. Your previous threads show a very determined person who will not give up no matter what. You seem to be the kind of person that faces challenges head on until you succeed. I think The Beast has met its match!!!! Have a pleasant evening friend. John

sva777

Keep going Jeff you know where you want and need to be. I know how rough it can be at times, especially when everyone else gets to be "normal" and have a drink. We are not normal though Jeff we are special and that is our bond here.

wehav2day

Oh I feel ya. The only problem with that is I'm sooooo not a normal drinker.

I didn't say any of that to pick on you, I was trying to understand why there are so many posts like your op.

Perhaps i'm starting to get it. Acceptance. Until we accept that we aren't normal drinkers, we are never going to magically become normal drinkers, we will keep fighting this battle.

I had to put up the white flag. I can't drink like a normal person. That ship has sailed. I have to be done.

EndGameNYC

I'm curious as to what it is that you learned that you didn't already know?

strategery

I am glad you're back.

This is just my personal opinion, so do with it what you want, but it seems to me that at some level that you think you can moderate since you always mention the number of drinks.

The truth is, it doesn't matter how many drinks you drink. Every time you pick up, you're playing with fire and that much closer to going back. If you keep playing around with it, eventually your luck is going to run out. You've seen up close how serious the consequences can be. What is it going to take for you to give up alcohol for good?

Meraviglioso

Hey Jeff, I am really sorry that this happened. I think the questions posed here by others are really good and worth considering. It also shows that you are enormously respected. We wouldn't dig so deep and push you like this if we didn't care. I know some of them will be difficult to think about but try to take some time to think about them.
Keep at it buddy.

tufty13

Dust yourself down Thomas and go again.

You'll get there.

You will, you will, you will beat this.

Soberwolf

This

mecanix

Drinking for me was the pits ,

the smallest drink would put me back onto a spiral that just ended up in insanity ..

no more insanity of that kind here , no more drinking , i'm done .

I hope you decide you are done .

Take care , m

Hawkeye13

This was my truth. I didn't learn anything I didn't already know.

I already knew I couldn't drink socially but I chose to anyway

And then I did it 3 more times about three months apart
(PAWS cycle, anyone?)
This was after good, solid, rewarding sobriety time.
No excuse, just still wanted to do it, still wasn't ready
to put to bed forever the myth of me being able to socially drink.

Not now, not in the future, not ever, and yes, that feels desolate
in one way and a great relief in another.