I remember you from my Class of March 2014 thread, enfin. Are you drinking today?
I really hope you can quit and you make it stick this time.
Regardless of what has happened, the only way out of this ongoing mess is to stop drinking. Have you considered therapy or a rehab? I think it is time. You deserve to be happy and the only way to create that is to start doing things that are good for you. A little self-care goes a long way. Can you take a long bubble bath? It will help. Take some hot tea into the bathroom and light some scented candles. You deserve that bit of comfort. Nurture your body instead of abusing it.