You've probably begun to realize that you cannot change him. You cannot make him want to be decent and clean. You cannot get him to love you the way that you need.
And we see a lifetime of this - over and over and over - for you.
It will end when you want more. Please reach out and start today. Make one boundary and go forward. Don't look back, he will most likely never change and how long would you have to wait anyways ? Life can be so beautiful - make today 'that' day. Hugs to you, Joie