Is the 3 weeks of sobriety with active recovery? Early sobriety is a difficult time for any relationship, IMO. My husband is 12 days sober and this is the first time it's looked completely different. Not white knuckling it. Going to meetings, calling other AA members, facing things he's never sat down and faced before, emotionally. It's difficult any which way, and on my end, my "dis-ease" increases tri-fold instead of becoming easier. I've double-downed on my recovery from this Family Disease of Alcoholism. I have a lot of isms. More meetings, calling, setting up coffee dates with women in my groups, more reading, more praying. My sponsor and other Alanon friends have been very helpful with sharing what's made a difference with themselves. I was wanting to run, hide, put up barriers and walls. That's not about him, that's about me. Most days I'm able to say, "I want to be curious. I want to be supportive. I want to be loving." That doesn't mean I'm ready to be curious, loving and supportive, yet I'm opening myself up to that and I'm having more fun, especially with conversations with my husband and on a date with him last weekend.
We're currently living apart as I'm not spiritually fit enough to live full time with alcoholism, even (especially?) in early recovery. It's not up to him to live up to a standard set by me. It's a place of discovery within myself. One day at a time. Just for today. More will be revealed.
