Thanks Stung, I wonder about my example too. I talk about the alanon & step work- tell her when I'm going to a meeting, took her to the joint AA/Alanon cookout over the summer, occasionally take her to meet the kids of another alanon I've gotten to know. I acted out in front of her, so I'm trying to recover the same way. So thats one example.
But marriage-wise, my parents divorced when I was in high school- father left because my mother was isolating and drinking and I have heard hints about a few affairs on his part- so thats an example I'd rather not repeat. If there was active addiction, then I would be taking immediate action- but there isn't. There isn't outrageous activity, nor are we fighting or cold so though the current situation isn't what I would prefer, it is functional & we're getting along with one another.
I sure know 10 years can pass quickly. OTOH I clearly remember how painful it was when my dad left, and it is no sacrifice at all (to me at least) to stay together and not impose something like that on our daughter- life will be tough enough for her as it is. What I <can> do right now are the living amends to her and her mother- demonstrate a respectful and involved dad & husband.
And one final thought about what other relationships might be like; my 4th step revealed some prominent destructive relationship patterns, I would be bringing all the as-yet undiscovered baggage to the next one too. The grass may only look greener over there, if you will. Or to paraphrase an AA saying, I'm looking with what brought me here.