This weekend was quite the time... AH had a HUGE blow up, anger explosion. Shouting, yelling, screaming vulgar words, blaming me for crazy things.... It was just time he needed an anger explosion and grabbed whatever he could for fuel.
My two children were there when this all happened, ages 2 and 6. We sat on the couch at one point all bawling and hugging each other because he was raging and raging and wouldn't stop.
How scary.
Long story short.... I decided enough is enough. We are leaving, I can't deal with this anymore, its NOT my fault, I deserve better, my babies deserve better. I'm done.
I looked at an apartment yesterday, knowing he will NEVER leave our family home, I'm going to have to. It felt okay, scary, it was small but cute... and its not a forever thing. The more I thought about it, the more excited I got.
I decided I was going to sit him down and explain that I wanted a separation to begin with... and see where that takes us. That I was going to be leaving with the kids, I had a whole plan wrote up for visitation, rules, money, etc. I feel like I was well prepared.
well good LORD. I dropped the bomb on him and then it was a huge sob story, feel sorry for me, I have no one, I won't do it again, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry, I will change, I'll do better, please don't leave, don't look at any more apartments.
Seriously... I am fuming mad.... I just need to vent I guess. But quite honestly, too little too late. It has taken me sooo long to get to this place of courage, and then he tries to shut me down. Which really, I shouldn't expect anything less.
Rant over.
