I didn't see this thread before. I do know some people who appear to be working hard on their recovery, yet something seems to be missing, and they relapse repeatedly. I don't think it's always a matter of choice (though sometimes it is)--sometimes it is just the same issue of "getting it" that we have. If we aren't "getting it" we are patient with ourselves and the worst outcome is usually our own continued misery. If an alcoholic isn't "getting it" then the consequences can be life-threatening, but it still doesn't mean it's a matter of free choice. At least not unhindered choice. You can add to the normal difficulty of learning a new way of life the fact that thinking and emotions have been battered by years of alcohol consumption.
I can't say, of course, what your husband's issue is. I do know that it's possible to be compassionate toward the alcoholic and his difficulties and still be out of patience with it.
It kind of sounds, Stung, like that issue aside, your sponsor is playing armchair psychologist with you. Her job is to show you how the Steps can be applied to your problems, not to get at the root of them, herself. I do get the difficulty of being honest with people who are sincerely trying to help but not.
You could try thanking her for all her help up to now, but telling her you feel like you need a different kind of help at this point in your recovery. She might be fine with that--I imagine if you hit a wall with a sponsor/sponsee relationship it might be an equal relief for the sponsor to let someone else pick up the ball.