Acceptance for me was a big one. I kept waiting for a big bad event to happen to convince me, push me over the edge so I could finally see / say yes I definitely have a drinking problem and must stop. I put a similar post to yours up and it was pointed out to me that my mental obsession with drinking was indeed my biggest problem. I was in big trouble already. It was taking hours of my time away each day. From that point it I could see just how truly miserable I am /was inside. I'd been like that for so long I just got used to it. That's what finally broke through that last desire to drink. Deep down I never really wanted to stop. I believe if you are like that all you have is willpower which will only last so long. I always failed without this acceptance. It's definitely a hard road. I wouldn't write off aa either. I eventually went through desperation. I've only gone to a few meetings but it's the only place I've been where people get your situation. If you know heaps of people like I do and realize you in fact are incredibly isolated /lonely id go there. All the best