Jac88

Hi everyone, I wanted to share with you a letter to my ex I've kept reading it today to keep me strong for not contacting him, I obviously have not sent it, but it's really helped me by reading it over and over confirming what I know to be the truth... It's good to vent and as I will not send it to him.. You guys can have it

I have made myself feel so bad just wanting us back, I have made myself feel completely not good enough for u, how wrong I have made myself feel,the way u treated me since September has been despicable, our relationship was in tatters because of the decisions you made and drugs and alcohol were more important then us. the excuses and justifications I believed, it's ridiculous, shame on me. You even justified texting this other girl, only you can make yourself happy. There is no excuse to justify you stringing her and me along.

Me and O deserve so much better, I'm not a bad person I've made my mistakes, admitted them accepted them and learnt from them and moved on, and I've told m and he does not care.

It should of been you trying to get us back... I can't make myself feel bad about wanting you back no more, I'm human I love you of course I'm going to want the man I love back my best friend, of course it's going to hurt, I tried so hard,for us. I just hope one day you try as hard to get us back. All I wanted was for you to beat your disease with us in tow, enjoy doing 'normal' family stuff with me and O. Enjoy spending time with us, and it hurts so much that you have chosen not to be a part of that, not to enjoy life with us. It hurts that we don't add to your happiness.

I will get past the hurt and pain, the regret, the if only I had done that.i cannot demonise you as the route of all my problems. And I cannot be in denial that none of this has not happened. I have never judged you,critiqued you, I just loved u accepted you as you,tried to encourage you, we all make our own decisions.

I just pray you realise I am not the cause of your problems, and that I never intentionally wanted to make you feel bad, all your excuses and justifications, you were wrong and I took all the hurt and guilt you had as if it was my fault,my failing. I've stopped everything cut of friends I know what I want in life!

But i can't change that for u, I can't help you see that, I can only change how I feel and what I do. I do still love u, and none of it matters now, it's happened, it hurt,I'm grieving, I'm slowly letting go. I can't turn you into the man I want you to be, because you are the exact polar opposite at present, and it's taken me a while to see you based on ur actions and not on what my heart says or wants.

I am walking away, as much as I want you back.

I'm no angel,I admit that, but Me and O deserve someone that wants us, will love us regardless of our flaws. wants to spend time with us, wants to do 'normal' family stuff, wants a life with us, someone who will respect us, care for us. Someone who wants to go on holiday, days out, walks and adventures. Someone that wants us for us, not for their own benefit. Someone that will prove that to us, someone that will be there always for us. I hoped so much that man was you, I have only myself to blame for imposing my expectation on to you.

I wish you all the best.

Love always