Letter to the ex

Old 11-23-2015, 09:10 AM
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Letter to the ex

Hi everyone, I wanted to share with you a letter to my ex I've kept reading it today to keep me strong for not contacting him, I obviously have not sent it, but it's really helped me by reading it over and over confirming what I know to be the truth... It's good to vent and as I will not send it to him.. You guys can have it

I have made myself feel so bad just wanting us back, I have made myself feel completely not good enough for u, how wrong I have made myself feel,the way u treated me since September has been despicable, our relationship was in tatters because of the decisions you made and drugs and alcohol were more important then us. the excuses and justifications I believed, it's ridiculous, shame on me. You even justified texting this other girl, only you can make yourself happy. There is no excuse to justify you stringing her and me along.

Me and O deserve so much better, I'm not a bad person I've made my mistakes, admitted them accepted them and learnt from them and moved on, and I've told m and he does not care.

It should of been you trying to get us back... I can't make myself feel bad about wanting you back no more, I'm human I love you of course I'm going to want the man I love back my best friend, of course it's going to hurt, I tried so hard,for us. I just hope one day you try as hard to get us back. All I wanted was for you to beat your disease with us in tow, enjoy doing 'normal' family stuff with me and O. Enjoy spending time with us, and it hurts so much that you have chosen not to be a part of that, not to enjoy life with us. It hurts that we don't add to your happiness.

I will get past the hurt and pain, the regret, the if only I had done that.i cannot demonise you as the route of all my problems. And I cannot be in denial that none of this has not happened. I have never judged you,critiqued you, I just loved u accepted you as you,tried to encourage you, we all make our own decisions.

I just pray you realise I am not the cause of your problems, and that I never intentionally wanted to make you feel bad, all your excuses and justifications, you were wrong and I took all the hurt and guilt you had as if it was my fault,my failing. I've stopped everything cut of friends I know what I want in life!

But i can't change that for u, I can't help you see that, I can only change how I feel and what I do. I do still love u, and none of it matters now, it's happened, it hurt,I'm grieving, I'm slowly letting go. I can't turn you into the man I want you to be, because you are the exact polar opposite at present, and it's taken me a while to see you based on ur actions and not on what my heart says or wants.

I am walking away, as much as I want you back.

I'm no angel,I admit that, but Me and O deserve someone that wants us, will love us regardless of our flaws. wants to spend time with us, wants to do 'normal' family stuff, wants a life with us, someone who will respect us, care for us. Someone who wants to go on holiday, days out, walks and adventures. Someone that wants us for us, not for their own benefit. Someone that will prove that to us, someone that will be there always for us. I hoped so much that man was you, I have only myself to blame for imposing my expectation on to you.

I wish you all the best.

Love always
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Old 11-23-2015, 09:21 AM
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hang in there...thank you for sharing...letting a loved one go is so hard...especially when you know it is for the best...
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Old 11-23-2015, 02:26 PM
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Everybody here has been telling me that the day would come when I would feel better. I didn't believe them.

It has finally sunk in that I had become nothing more to my ex than a few dollars and health insurance.

I finally DO feel better. I have started to accept things the way they are.

Hang in there!!!
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Old 11-23-2015, 02:29 PM
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Hey Jac -
Wow!! Much nicer than mine would be.... I give you credit for Bowing out gracefully. Hang in there.... It will get better....
Ro
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Old 11-24-2015, 01:43 AM
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Thank you for sharing. I can identify with a lot of this.
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Old 11-24-2015, 05:44 AM
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It's funny the more I read it the more I change it, it really is therapeutic!
This is the current up dated version
I have made myself feel so bad just wanting us back, I have made myself feel completely not good enough for u!

the way u treated me since September has been despicable, our relationship was in tatters because of the decisions we both made and the things I accepted. drugs and alcohol had consumed you, I enabled you and I am truly sorry for my part in this. I can safely say I hate addiction, drugs it all,I accept my bad choices to do with them, the way they have consumed and taken. the excuses and justifications I believed out of your mouth and mine.

I was and am so hurt and upset that you justified texting this other girl, only you can make yourself happy. There is no excuse. This shattered and broke my heart and I nearly let it destroy me. In reality it should of been you begging for me back!! I'm not insane I am a human being admittedly my reaction to having my life ripped out from beneath my feet was not all too composed, but give me a break. We were my everything.

I will not make myself feel bad about wanting you back no more, I'm human I love you and this not to put emotional pressure on you, this is a fact to me and I am just stating a fact. of course I'm going to want the man I love back, my best friend, of course it's going to hurt, I tried so hard,for us. I have and had so much faith in us. I wanted and still do want to enjoy life with you. I can only hope and pray one day you have these same beliefs. All I hoped for you was to beat the disease with us. enjoy doing 'normal' family stuff with me and O. Enjoy spending time with us,enjoy spending time together as a couple, as we enjoy spending time with you. I just hoped our lives would grow with each other - together. it hurts that I have no choice in you not being a part of that. I don't regret having you in my life, I look back on happier times when you enriched my life so much!

I will get past the hurt and pain, the regret, the if only I had done that.i cannot demonise you as the route of all my problems, I stood by you after you fukd of I made choices,I am no victim to my own decisions, I volunteered to this outcome, Blaming gets us no where. I cannot be in denial that none of this has not happened. I never intentionally meant to judge you,criticise you, I just loved u accepted you as you,I tried to encourage you, we all make our own decisions. My intentions were only ever good.

We all play a part in our own and other peoples problems, and I never intentionally wanted to make you feel bad or pressurise you or make you feel trapped, I am truly sorry for any part I played. all your excuses and justifications, wrong. all the hurt and guilt you had,I had as if it was my fault,my failing.

But i can't change that for u, I can't help you see that, I can only change how I feel and what I do. I do still love u, it's happened, it hurts,I'm grieving, I'm slowly letting go. I can't turn you into the man I see in you,behind the disease.
I have to let you go as much as I want you back.

I'm no angel, but Me and O deserve and I want someone that wants us and me ,will love us regardless of our flaws. wants to spend time with us, wants to do 'normal' family stuff, wants a life with us, someone who will respect us, care for us. Someone who wants to go on holiday, days out, walks and adventures. Someone that wants us for us. Someone that will prove that to us, be loyal to us through good times and bad,someone that will be there always for us. Someone who wants to experience everything with me, I want to go places see things enjoy life! I hoped and prayed so much that man was you, I have only myself to blame for imposing my expectation on to you. This is not meant as emotional blackmail, this is my promise to myself that I will be that person to. I can only pray for you, that you achieve and become all you can be.

I know I have gone back on my promises recently that my emotions have consumed my actions, but above is what I want, a healthy relationship I know I have to work on myself to achieve this, and it does hurt that we can't have this together, I want nothing more in the world but for us to have this. I'm not perfect and I never expected you to be, we all make mistakes and I don't count you as one of mine. I hate that addiction, drugs and alcohol has taken this life away with you. But only I can change what I get out of life! No matter how spoiled are past's may be our futures are spotless!

Today, I will begin being grateful for my past. I cannot change what happened, but I can transform the past by owning my power, now, to accept, heal, and learn from it.

know I am praying for you and your recovery and if you need to call on me, today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year I am always here!

Love always


Xx
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Old 11-24-2015, 05:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Jac88 View Post
Hi everyone, I wanted to share with you a letter to my ex I've kept reading it today to keep me strong for not contacting him, I obviously have not sent it, but it's really helped me by reading it over and over confirming what I know to be the truth... It's good to vent and as I will not send it to him.. You guys can have it

I have made myself feel so bad just wanting us back, I have made myself feel completely not good enough for u, how wrong I have made myself feel,the way u treated me since September has been despicable, our relationship was in tatters because of the decisions you made and drugs and alcohol were more important then us. the excuses and justifications I believed, it's ridiculous, shame on me. You even justified texting this other girl, only you can make yourself happy. There is no excuse to justify you stringing her and me along.

Me and O deserve so much better, I'm not a bad person I've made my mistakes, admitted them accepted them and learnt from them and moved on, and I've told m and he does not care.

It should of been you trying to get us back... I can't make myself feel bad about wanting you back no more, I'm human I love you of course I'm going to want the man I love back my best friend, of course it's going to hurt, I tried so hard,for us. I just hope one day you try as hard to get us back. All I wanted was for you to beat your disease with us in tow, enjoy doing 'normal' family stuff with me and O. Enjoy spending time with us, and it hurts so much that you have chosen not to be a part of that, not to enjoy life with us. It hurts that we don't add to your happiness.

I will get past the hurt and pain, the regret, the if only I had done that.i cannot demonise you as the route of all my problems. And I cannot be in denial that none of this has not happened. I have never judged you,critiqued you, I just loved u accepted you as you,tried to encourage you, we all make our own decisions.

I just pray you realise I am not the cause of your problems, and that I never intentionally wanted to make you feel bad, all your excuses and justifications, you were wrong and I took all the hurt and guilt you had as if it was my fault,my failing. I've stopped everything cut of friends I know what I want in life!

But i can't change that for u, I can't help you see that, I can only change how I feel and what I do. I do still love u, and none of it matters now, it's happened, it hurt,I'm grieving, I'm slowly letting go. I can't turn you into the man I want you to be, because you are the exact polar opposite at present, and it's taken me a while to see you based on ur actions and not on what my heart says or wants.

I am walking away, as much as I want you back.

I'm no angel,I admit that, but Me and O deserve someone that wants us, will love us regardless of our flaws. wants to spend time with us, wants to do 'normal' family stuff, wants a life with us, someone who will respect us, care for us. Someone who wants to go on holiday, days out, walks and adventures. Someone that wants us for us, not for their own benefit. Someone that will prove that to us, someone that will be there always for us. I hoped so much that man was you, I have only myself to blame for imposing my expectation on to you.

I wish you all the best.

Love always

Its good that you got all these feelings out on paper about him. I have a different perspective on this. Its sounds like you still so badly want him to change....I'm glad you didn't send it because it would only be another LET down for you. People addicted...do not change for others...or because someone said the right things. I wish it was that way.

You know that you made the right decision. You know that it is your heart that wants to be with him (irrational thinking and actions come from the heart). But, your HEAD made you do the right thing by removing yourself from his life.

Maybe you should write down other reasons for YOURSELF..(to keep strong)......why is it better for you to not be with an addicted personality?
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Old 11-24-2015, 06:02 AM
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Yea I think that's why I keep changing it as I'm just finding it a really good way of getting out how I feel. It's helping me let go, will definitely try your suggestion and hell no he's never being sent anything!
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Old 11-24-2015, 12:52 PM
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I gave my then husband many of these letters....too many. Always hoping he would see the light. My Codie-ness made me yell at him-what the F is wrong with you?! How could you do (insert anything here) to me or your daughter?! How could you tell your wife that she is no good and always will be less than your mom and sister? Ugh-truly it was my attempt to rationalize with an irrational person and was usually met with a blank stare, fake tears and remorse, and more promises to change (that never happened). It is what it is....but it's very good to get it out-the anger, hurt, betrayal....I know those feelings well. But in time you won't feel the need to defend, explain, try to make him see-you won't care-bc you will have found a peace that is priceless.
Peace to you
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Old 11-24-2015, 01:25 PM
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I haven't sent him any of these it's just been a good coping tool with not reaching out to him. Hard feeling to budge though missing someone
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Old 11-24-2015, 07:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Jac88 View Post
I haven't sent him any of these it's just been a good coping tool with not reaching out to him. Hard feeling to budge though missing someone
Jac88, your letter serves as a good reminder to all of us to remain no contact and to remember that reason does not work with addicts. It's important to remain strong for ourselves and refuse to get sucked back in. Thank you for this reminder!
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Old 11-24-2015, 07:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Jac88 View Post
I haven't sent him any of these it's just been a good coping tool with not reaching out to him. Hard feeling to budge though missing someone
Such a wise and healthy way of dealing with your feelings. Life is a learning process from start to finish, and you're taking what you need to know from this experience. Well done, and best wishes.
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