Hi Everyone! Thank you so much for all your replies of encouragement, support and great advice.
It means a great deal to me. I’m working on not drinking just for the day….if that seems overwhelming then just that one minute. It’s strange…maybe some of you have had this happen to you as well…is I don’t particularly have cravings so far but I sometimes just think about alcohol. Even now while I’m typing this I am. Maybe my brain is just trying to adjust to not drinking, not having that routine. I’m noticing that mostly when I “want” to drink is times of a lot stress, emotional triggers, times of self-pity, feeling sorry for myself, wondering why me…all that….cause drinking became my coping mechanism whereas before I just logically dealt with things. I’m working on letting go of the past….my past behavior/actions while drinking, what mean things my ex said or did to me, letting my family down (though they are very understanding and forgiving but not enabling). It’s hard sometimes. Still have a long way to go. For the first time in a long time, trying to recognize the negative thoughts/tendencies I’ve had for the last couple of years (at least) and replace them with more positive thoughts or just acknowledge them and really try to let it go. It feels like what I imagine boot camp feels like. You’re life as you know it is over and now have to learn (or re-learn) a new way. I’m trying to make a point to post everyday so all of you can help keep me honest and accountable. Knowing all of you are there even if it’s an online forum is helping me immensely. I know not to be overly confident but I’m proud of my 5 sober days….in essence on my own (besides the ER kick start). This is the longest amount of time I’ve been sober on my own in a couple of years. I’d always cave in in a day or two. Even though it’s only been 5 days….I’d rather have these 5 sober days than one more day drinking. Its already soooo much better. Even after one or two days I just looked so much better. I’m sure my insides were thanking me too! But my body is still adjusting to try to get back to normal. I'm tired a lot....don't have a lot of energy at times. Trying to drink as much water as I can, eat healthy food, vitamins. I've never really eaten bad food a lot or overeat so that hasn't been too much of a problem. The vitamins, yes, because I'm not much of the pill taker.
Went to my regular doctor today to get a general checkup. She is already aware of my situation as I made sure when I went into inpatient treatment earlier this year that they provided her with any paperwork/updates. She asked how I was doing. Told her about my recent ER visit and where/how I was feeling. We talked my current situation, my past (how I may have gotten to the escalated drinking, etc) and some options. She introduced the idea of maybe going on anti-depressants for a bit even though I’m not really depressed per say. She thought it may help with any anxiety I may have due to not drinking while my brain is adjusting. When I drink alcohol is mainly when I feel REALLY depressed…..obviously it’s a depressant and then I start thinking about everything! She just wanted me to think about it because I’m dealing with so much more now than maybe even before I lost my relationship, job, apartment, etc. So I’ll think about it. She’s checking my liver, kidneys, cholesterol, among other things. The ER checked those and everything was fine but she wanted to double-check. Good news is my blood pressure is great 124/84!!!! I felt pretty good and supported by my doc when I left. Good docs are hard to find nowadays!
At the library I requested Alan Carr’s book that I’ve seen some of you suggested to read so I’m just waiting for them to notify me to pick it up. Looking forward to reading it. Leaving tomorrow to visit my Dad this weekend so it’ll be nice to see him and get out of the metro area for a bit PLUS I can’t drink around him even if I wanted to. He’d kick my a**!!!! It’s almost bedtime for me so I’m going to drink some sleepy tea, climb into bed and look at some of the other SR posts on my phone. I’m still new to this site and how everything works but will try to start replying to other people’s posts to give back what all of you have given and continue to give to me and others. Thank you so much. Will post in the morning….tomorrow is day 6!!! Let’s all stay sober just more day!!!!
