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I almost drank yesterday

Old 11-19-2015, 08:24 AM
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I almost drank yesterday

I thought about drinking yesterday. Was tempted. I talked to the unemployment office yesterday. I’ve been trying to get unemployment while looking for work and the unemployment office is questioning my separation from my previous employer. I had showed up to work with alcohol still in my system and technically they could have terminated me then but didn’t. Referred me to an Employee Assistance Program and told me I had to be assessed and properly follow what they wanted me to do. Started outpatient and after a few weeks got depressed over my situation (and other things) and started drinking and basically disappeared for about a week. Didn’t contact the treatment center, my employer, etc. Just had a case of the eff its. Once I came out of the funk, I contacted the treatment center cause I wanted to resume treatment. They said since I basically just disappeared, they felt I relapsed (which was true) and determined that I needed a higher level of the care….inpatient treatment. Since I wanted to keep my job, I agreed to go and thought I’d still be in compliance. During inpatient treatment that’s when I learned my employer terminated me for missing those days and not contacting anyone. They based it on the fact that I didn’t “diligently and properly” follow what the treatment center wanted during outpatient. Now the treatment center will say relapse is common in early recovery and I have documentation from them stating as far as they are concerned that I was in compliance since I finished inpatient treatment.

Everyone at my employer (including HR) wanted me to come back but my impression from my union guy and HR is my new ahole of a boss didn’t want me to return. It’s like she was just looking for a way to get me out. I worked there 8 years with an excellent record, reputation and never had a problems except for this one time.

So now the unemployment office is gathering information to see if I even qualify for unemployment based on everything. He wants my termination letter, compliance letter and the terms & conditions of my treatment plan. On paper it does not look good. As we all know what happens in reality doesn’t necessarily reflect on paper. Now the paperwork I have from everyone, all the dates/timelines are off and not consistent, etc. What a mess!!!! Alcohol has SERIOUSLY screwed up my life.

After getting off the phone with him, I knew it didn’t look good. There’s always a chance though I suppose. But my brain immediately went to “well you’re screwed you might as well go to the store and pick up some liquor”. I was tempted. Instead I paced the floor for awhile and told myself “no, that is what got you in all these problems in the first place”. But still it was tempting.

I’m on Day 5 today. I suppose it’s the little victories that matter. But given everything I’ve been and continue to deal with especially in the last year or two, it’s gonna be a fight for awhile and need to try stay mentally strong when moments like this happen cause they'll be more.

Thanks for reading and all your support. I’m so glad I found this site and everyday I’m encouraged by all your stories and posts. We are all in this together…..one day at a time.
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Old 11-19-2015, 08:29 AM
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If it were me, I wouldn't wait for unemployment. Get out there and work. There are a lot of jobs in retail right now and they likely won't check too closely into your background.

Work is the answer, not being stuck waiting and then (possibly) not getting the benefits, anyway.

You don't have to drink over this. Stay busy and try not to think too much about any possible resentments. Whatever happens is out of your hands as far as unemployment benefits.
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Old 11-19-2015, 09:43 AM
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Biminiblue - Thanks for your reply. I have already applied to numerous jobs and currently am looking into temp work as well until I can find something more permanent. I was just hoping to receive the unemployment for awhile. Luckily, I don't have many bills so for that I'm thankful.

The effects of drinking just won't go away. Just need some sort of positive things to start happening. I keep pushing forward in the hopes that will happen.
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Old 11-19-2015, 09:48 AM
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First off congratulations on staying sober for these 5 days.

I can also relate to alot of what you posted...About HR getting involved and having to attend treatment etc...

And good on you for recognizing that ALCOHOL is what got you into this whole mess in the first place.

Drinking will NOT help your situation at all. Though i totally get the temptation to want to.

Do you have any outside support? (Using SR is a great tool, but AA has helped me as well.)

Coming here to SR and making a daily commitment to not drink has helped immensely too.

Don't give up. You're not alone.

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Old 11-19-2015, 10:13 AM
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You done great not drinking Phoenix congrats on 5 days that's truly awesome
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Old 11-19-2015, 11:21 AM
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Day 5 here too. ..so congrats!!! You WILL find another job. You may NEVER get another chance at sobriety. Stay strong and let's do this together? !
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Old 11-19-2015, 11:42 AM
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Originally Posted by badger257 View Post
Day 5 here too. ..so congrats!!! You WILL find another job. You may NEVER get another chance at sobriety. Stay strong and let's do this together? !
Well said!
Congrats on continuing to stay sober - for me, it all started with that action. I found doing the next thing right, whatever is in front of me today - soberly - will add up with good results.

Living with the consequences of what happened based on our poor behavior is a huge stepping stone. Staying sober during your currently trials and tribulations speaks volumes.,

We may never get another chance as our friend Badger posted.......

Keep the plug in the jug!
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Old 11-19-2015, 12:07 PM
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I hope you never give up because the Promises
given to us and is written in the Big Book of AA
can and will come true if we live a life in recovery
incorporating many helpful and affective steps
and principles set down for us to follow day after
day.

We all go through ups and downs in life
while in recovery, but I had to learn that
there is nothing in this world so bad that
would make me drink poison and go back
to my insane life.

With my 28 instay rehab program and
a 6 week outaptiant aftercare program
added to it, many many AA meetings,
finding balance in all I was doing, I, like
many before me that learned to remain
sober a many one days at a time yrs. down
the road, gave me so much hope that if
they could then so could I following in
their recovery footsteps and holding on
to the fellowship which has become my
support thru out my own sobriety.

Willingness, Openmindedness, Honesty,
Faith, Hope, Love, Care, Understanding,
Communication, Support, have all been
positive factors in helping me achieve
health, happiness and honesty in all my
affairs. All to the best of my sober ability.

We never, ever have to go thru anything
in life alone by ourselves. Folks in recovery
are their to lend or share their own ESH -
experiences, strengths and hopes along with
positive suggestion to guide us on our own
recovery journey in life.
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Old 11-19-2015, 01:34 PM
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I'm glad you stayed strong Phoenix...there's nothing so bad a drink can't make worse.

Congrats on 5 days and good luck with the unemployment payment.
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Old 11-19-2015, 10:35 PM
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Hi Everyone! Thank you so much for all your replies of encouragement, support and great advice. It means a great deal to me. I’m working on not drinking just for the day….if that seems overwhelming then just that one minute. It’s strange…maybe some of you have had this happen to you as well…is I don’t particularly have cravings so far but I sometimes just think about alcohol. Even now while I’m typing this I am. Maybe my brain is just trying to adjust to not drinking, not having that routine. I’m noticing that mostly when I “want” to drink is times of a lot stress, emotional triggers, times of self-pity, feeling sorry for myself, wondering why me…all that….cause drinking became my coping mechanism whereas before I just logically dealt with things. I’m working on letting go of the past….my past behavior/actions while drinking, what mean things my ex said or did to me, letting my family down (though they are very understanding and forgiving but not enabling). It’s hard sometimes. Still have a long way to go. For the first time in a long time, trying to recognize the negative thoughts/tendencies I’ve had for the last couple of years (at least) and replace them with more positive thoughts or just acknowledge them and really try to let it go. It feels like what I imagine boot camp feels like. You’re life as you know it is over and now have to learn (or re-learn) a new way. I’m trying to make a point to post everyday so all of you can help keep me honest and accountable. Knowing all of you are there even if it’s an online forum is helping me immensely. I know not to be overly confident but I’m proud of my 5 sober days….in essence on my own (besides the ER kick start). This is the longest amount of time I’ve been sober on my own in a couple of years. I’d always cave in in a day or two. Even though it’s only been 5 days….I’d rather have these 5 sober days than one more day drinking. Its already soooo much better. Even after one or two days I just looked so much better. I’m sure my insides were thanking me too! But my body is still adjusting to try to get back to normal. I'm tired a lot....don't have a lot of energy at times. Trying to drink as much water as I can, eat healthy food, vitamins. I've never really eaten bad food a lot or overeat so that hasn't been too much of a problem. The vitamins, yes, because I'm not much of the pill taker.

Went to my regular doctor today to get a general checkup. She is already aware of my situation as I made sure when I went into inpatient treatment earlier this year that they provided her with any paperwork/updates. She asked how I was doing. Told her about my recent ER visit and where/how I was feeling. We talked my current situation, my past (how I may have gotten to the escalated drinking, etc) and some options. She introduced the idea of maybe going on anti-depressants for a bit even though I’m not really depressed per say. She thought it may help with any anxiety I may have due to not drinking while my brain is adjusting. When I drink alcohol is mainly when I feel REALLY depressed…..obviously it’s a depressant and then I start thinking about everything! She just wanted me to think about it because I’m dealing with so much more now than maybe even before I lost my relationship, job, apartment, etc. So I’ll think about it. She’s checking my liver, kidneys, cholesterol, among other things. The ER checked those and everything was fine but she wanted to double-check. Good news is my blood pressure is great 124/84!!!! I felt pretty good and supported by my doc when I left. Good docs are hard to find nowadays!

At the library I requested Alan Carr’s book that I’ve seen some of you suggested to read so I’m just waiting for them to notify me to pick it up. Looking forward to reading it. Leaving tomorrow to visit my Dad this weekend so it’ll be nice to see him and get out of the metro area for a bit PLUS I can’t drink around him even if I wanted to. He’d kick my a**!!!! It’s almost bedtime for me so I’m going to drink some sleepy tea, climb into bed and look at some of the other SR posts on my phone. I’m still new to this site and how everything works but will try to start replying to other people’s posts to give back what all of you have given and continue to give to me and others. Thank you so much. Will post in the morning….tomorrow is day 6!!! Let’s all stay sober just more day!!!!
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