I thought about drinking yesterday. Was tempted. I talked to the unemployment office yesterday. I’ve been trying to get unemployment while looking for work and the unemployment office is questioning my separation from my previous employer. I had showed up to work with alcohol still in my system and technically they could have terminated me then but didn’t. Referred me to an Employee Assistance Program and told me I had to be assessed and properly follow what they wanted me to do. Started outpatient and after a few weeks got depressed over my situation (and other things) and started drinking and basically disappeared for about a week. Didn’t contact the treatment center, my employer, etc. Just had a case of the eff its. Once I came out of the funk, I contacted the treatment center cause I wanted to resume treatment. They said since I basically just disappeared, they felt I relapsed (which was true) and determined that I needed a higher level of the care….inpatient treatment. Since I wanted to keep my job, I agreed to go and thought I’d still be in compliance. During inpatient treatment that’s when I learned my employer terminated me for missing those days and not contacting anyone. They based it on the fact that I didn’t “diligently and properly” follow what the treatment center wanted during outpatient. Now the treatment center will say relapse is common in early recovery and I have documentation from them stating as far as they are concerned that I was in compliance since I finished inpatient treatment.
Everyone at my employer (including HR) wanted me to come back but my impression from my union guy and HR is my new ahole of a boss didn’t want me to return. It’s like she was just looking for a way to get me out. I worked there 8 years with an excellent record, reputation and never had a problems except for this one time.
So now the unemployment office is gathering information to see if I even qualify for unemployment based on everything. He wants my termination letter, compliance letter and the terms & conditions of my treatment plan. On paper it does not look good. As we all know what happens in reality doesn’t necessarily reflect on paper. Now the paperwork I have from everyone, all the dates/timelines are off and not consistent, etc. What a mess!!!! Alcohol has SERIOUSLY screwed up my life.
After getting off the phone with him, I knew it didn’t look good. There’s always a chance though I suppose. But my brain immediately went to “well you’re screwed you might as well go to the store and pick up some liquor”. I was tempted. Instead I paced the floor for awhile and told myself “no, that is what got you in all these problems in the first place”. But still it was tempting.
I’m on Day 5 today. I suppose it’s the little victories that matter. But given everything I’ve been and continue to deal with especially in the last year or two, it’s gonna be a fight for awhile and need to try stay mentally strong when moments like this happen cause they'll be more.
Thanks for reading and all your support. I’m so glad I found this site and everyday I’m encouraged by all your stories and posts. We are all in this together…..one day at a time.
