He is an addict, active in his addiction and desperate to make life happen on his terms.
I know this is impossible to accept right now, but it literally has nothing to do with you or anything you have done. Or not done. It is not a contest between you and her. It is a life and death struggle between his drinking and everything else in the world.
When I was feeling the way you do, it was because the situation reinforced some deeply held beliefs in me that I was not good enough to be loved and cared for the way I wanted to be. I had to find a way to love and care for myself without requiring that validation from someone else before I could really look at the alcoholics in my life and understand that everything they did to me they were really doing to themselves, and I had been caught in the cross fire.