Need help
I really need advice. I have been to 4 AA meetings this week and have had panic attacks on the way to the meeting, during the meeting and after. I drank several beers immediately following 2 of those meetings...most recently being yesterday.
I did not feel like I was going to have a panic attack until I got to the meeting. My sponsor thinks I have a severe panic/anxiety disorder (social anxiety too???) & need to see someone (I am calling Monday to schedule). I HAVE been diagnosed with severe panic and anxiety in the past but it seems to be triggered in certain situations where I don't feel safe. I told my sponsor this...
So here's where it gets interesting. I am starting to see a pattern with my drinking. As long as I am not having panic/anxiety (which can be days or weeks) I am fine and don't think about drinking. BUT when I DO have the panic and anxiety I run to buy a 6 pack! My pattern is always the same....I drink about 4 (12 oz) beers and 1-2 mixed drinks in about a 3-4 hour period until my anxiety/panic are gone and I feel "normal" and calm again. (self-medicate). As soon as my anxiety is gone and I feel calm, I stop drinking and go home. For example, last night I had my typical 4 beers and met a friend at a bar to watch sports and drank 1 mixed drink and ordered a second. I took a few sips of the second mixed drink and told her I was tired and was gonna head home leaving a full drink at the bar.
I am just starting to wonder how much of my drinking is just "self-medicating" my anxiety and how much is an addiction. I'm not looking for medical advice and I know you guys can't diagnose anything, I was just curious to see if anyone has had a similar experience and if so do you have any suggestions? My sponsor has 39 years of sobriety and has sponsored hundreds of women and she is baffled by the "way" I drink (my drinking pattern) because it's not "typical" of anyone she's ever sponsored. I am confused.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it more than you know!!! :-)