Trish,
Welcome and good for you for reaching out. There is a lot of first hand knowledge of living with an addict here on SR. Unless your A is ready to get sober, what you want really is not part of the equation.
I would second the comment about reaching out to Alanon, as these people have walked in your shoes before you. Knowledge is power and you could use that about know.
I know Lexi and Anvil talked about the obsession of alcohol to the alcoholic. I read a comment from an Alcoholic the other day that blew me away. " I would walk over a dead body for a drink". That is how powerful addiction is, it is truly out of a "spouses" hands.
Hugs my friend, keep reading, posting and educating yourself about this horrible disease.