Transparency....conversation with a friend
(I'll keep it in the one thread...)
so I've just had a whatsapp conversation with a friend...
It's the same friend that I had been writing my "friend" (ie so called, supposed to be) because a month ago when we went out and I was drinking sparkling water or soda he said "are you going to continue drinking those gay drinks?"
long story short I fell off the wagon and was annoyed at myself and annoyed at him for not just accepting that I didn't want drink....and I wanted to fade him to black...
tonight he sent me a message to say "I wanted to talk to you about something that happened the other day that I didn't like, but I prefer to say it in person"
my response was "no, you've opened the subject...say it now"
Apparently when we were going down the street Saturday night I start insulting a group of women and he said one of them was a girlfriend of a friend of his" he asked me had I taken anything as I was euphoric.
I thought to myself "ah you see you don't like my drunken behaviour but yet you cannot accept that I don't drink"
I said to him "there was something that happened a few weeks ago that I didn't like" and I explained the fact that I want to stop drinking that sometimes I have control and sometimes I have not control. that he knows I'm very direct but with alcohol that can turn out worse. it's a lottery. That want to stop and it's leaving me depressed. That I have no family here and it's not my country. the next day after drinking even the smallest hangover is leaving me with anxiety and depression. that I have a friend who it seems won't accept that I don't want to drink"
His answer: "I didn't know your circumstances. and
"I'll no longer let you drink whenever we go out"
It felt a little bit emotional but I think the transparency was good...
I think this could be what the problem has been; I "think" I'm accepting it but it's something I'm keeping bottled in and to my self. So it's like a secret brewing up inside.....
It's not that I don't drink and that's that. It's that bad things happen to me when I drink and maybe it's true the truth will set you free.....