Originally Posted by
FreeOwl 
I don't think carl was trying to shame you....
I do see how you might interpret it that way.
But I think within his comments was a nugget worth considering... I don't think he was discrediting the changes you've made. I think he was emphasizing the degree of change that sobriety can take.
As I read your original post, I could see elements of my own journey to finally being in successful, happy sobriety. When I was making similar statements - I was still caught in old cycles. Still not ready to let go of some of the patterns trapping me in addiction. I had not yet totally embraced sobriety and become willing to step into a totally new paradigm of life to see how deep, rich and full it could be.
I can't say whether that's where you are - but your words seemed familiar.
I appreciate your response. But whether trying to or not trying the statement such as "
you're not willing to make the changes......" is clearly shaming language. It's like when people test for boundaries.....most people are not conscious of the fact and will deny it even thought it's a perfectly normal thing......it would be giving a lot of credit if I thought he was consciously trying. I don't think he was, more coming from a conditioning. no big deal.
However in the case of shaming language when it comes to addiction...I don't find it very helpfull.
I'm not sure I fully followed the rest of your post...."when you were making similar statements" such as?
Look, I'll tell you were I'm at now.....fed up. Am I not willing to let go of these patterns or do I not know how to let go of them?
I'm making some bad decisions and I think my decisions are being based on emotion....not logic or reason. I'm struggling to live in this flat and I'm aware that I made a huge error and I've had to keep going to work while I've had really bad back pain. I don't work I'm not payed. Decisions stemming from emotions being up and down...
I'm trying to explore were that's coming from. Yes in the meantime maybe it's best for me to take the practical decision of not going to bars.......