Originally Posted by
AnvilheadII 
they say - when people SHOW you who they ARE, BELIEVE them.....you've had a lot of years to observe now. what do his actions over time tell you? without any projection of how he MIGHT change, because truly, people just don't change that much - altho there ARE exceptions, those who have a powerful spiritual experience for example.
perhaps instead of sticking around in the hopes that MAYBE he'll turn into a man you can respect and who has something to bring to the table, you can begin the process of accepting him EXACTLY as he is - an immature 30 something with little concern, empathy or respect for others.
You're exactly right and that's where I struggle...I think about how he used to manage his anger when we first met and how difficult it would be to get past a difficult situation with him. I saw a tremendous difference in him the first time he came out of inpatient; his communication, his patience and his demeanor as a whole. That was 2.5 years ago and he has relapsed several times since then, not only with his alcohol but obviously his views and perception. I think about how great things were in our relationship as well as in himself when he returned from inpatient and was bringing something to the table. Its not like I've NEVER seen a change or an improvement in him, I have but he just seems to be confused in his own emotions. He seems to be battling with ego, anger and pride at the cost of our family. H'es extremely spiritual, more than any man I know...that was one of the qualities that attracted me to him. Just can't let go of thinking IS HE AN EXCEPTION? Like you said "there are exceptions".
I guess that's why I try to stick around...