He pawned his wedding ring and never used his "hidden" credit card to get it back....so I need to swallow this? What ??
Hubby is again jobless. I am as usual stressed. He has been dry for the last 5 days....and why am I so mad?? This always gets me.
I keep thinking I need to be supportive that he stays dry....but here is thing...I am not buying it.....I have been down this road too many times. The dry out doesn't last.....even with AA it didn't....but maybe with rehab...
And I can't shake that it is my fault.......that if I was ONLY supportive and positive towards him he wouldn't start again...
And we have no money...and it is terrfying.....is there a spouse who is so grounded that this is possible, to be serene in a time like this? That they can just be applauding and comforting in the face of things crashing?
I am just so mad that we are so broke as usual, and him getting another job is not my answer. I want him to bottom out. I want this to be the worst of it. I wanted us to be so broke he had to deal with the consequences. I wanted him to go back to AA and maybe rehab while he had the "free time" unemployed.
His parents swooped in and dropped some money our way....for which I am GRATEFUL and BLESSED....but the bottom stretched out.
It wasn't my plan.....The money wasn't to be used on food and gas that we need.....etc, but to "Catch up on a couple past due payments" ...low on my priority list.
I wasn't consulted on where this needed to go.......they handled it with him even though I control the finances.....so he paid a couple bills and felt functioning for a brief minute.
So he continues to search for a job online....
and he is dry....
and has been doing some dishes and cooking.....
which usually happens a bit after his parents give us money and he chills out...
I just can't stomach this cycle. I know a new job won't fix this.
I tried alanon and although i really didn't love it (so intimate, triggered my anxiety) I know i should go back.
I had some therapy which was the best and got my legs back under me... but lost it due to insurance,,,
Thanks for the vent....the angry when dry thing always upsets me. I wish he would go somewhere for rehab and I can get some therapy in the meantime....
I come and go here thorughout the years. When feeling desperate. You all are amazing and a blessing. I just read my last post from last jan. and wow I am in the same spot. Crazy how this train rolls.
