Resetti,
wishing for a terrible reason, a monstrous event in one's life to ease the fact that you drank again...ja, been there.
drinking when i didn't want to...sort of been there, too. i drank when i didn't want to though i wanted to, too; but most certainly, there was all that drinking that was against my own will.
I feel completely defeated, I was so sure, I always thought if I put my mind to something I'd do it.
yes; that was my experience many times. it took a gazillion times and then some sober time before i could really acknowledge, accept and integrate that putting my mind to it wasn't all that was required.
plenty other stuff in my life was accomplished with just that.
you can use defeat to advantage, if it means finding a different route than the one you've used so far, which hasn't worked out for you.
it's possible, and doable.
great to see you here, and great you know you won't drink today. neither will i
