Thanks for the heartfelt, honest post Dallow. I think what you feel is natural and part of the sans alcohol grieving process. The reality for me was I only thought I was the "life" of the party. When over the years I look back and think - gee, where did all my friends go - it is quite an awakening. I drove a lot of them off, slowly over time.
I have come to the realization it's time in my life to not all consumed with how I feel. Am I bored - what about my needs? I put loved ones through a lot of jazzzzzz over the years and made some neurotic. I own parts of that and its time for me to do what I can for others. I am not talking about stuff or simply saying I'm sorry. I am present, in their lives. Love is a verb for me today..........
I found life's simple truths in the Prayer of St. Francis - it is part of my meditation practice = much peace and wisdom!
Scott's post sums things up nicely - find what works and work it! Say goodbye to the old and hello to the new. Stack some time and learn to live, again!