Good advice and comments!
It's clear you have many wonderful qualities! Hopefully your wife will be able to see and appreciate them all despite the wounds.
I believe that reconciliation is very possible. I am a glass 1/2 full type of person. I believe it's worth all the effort to save the marriage especially when kids are involved, unless, of course, it is a currently abusive situation. But from what you have posted it is not abusive.
I would say continue to be the best you can be, stay sober, continue to be kind, patient, loving; give reassurance and comfort as much as possible.
One thing I've noticed when there has been a lot of hurt and wounds have been inflicted: It seems like the hurt one is able to "accept" some of the efforts one makes to make it better if they can somehow have a soft heart... I truly am not sure which is harder: needing forgiveness or needing to forgive.
Yeah, there is also some fear involved. Perhaps fear of being hurt (again)...on both your parts. So each party needs to be careful to try not to hurt one another anymore...be careful with your words;; not just what you say, but how you say it...be sensitive to the other person's feelings and how they might perceive thing...that means sort of laying aside focusing on yourself. Granted, to an extent you have to look out for yourself....we all do...but we can also look out for others...
I say hang in there...and do your very best to stay on the right path because that will mean much to her and rebuild trust.
In my opinion reconciliation can be a beautiful thing when it happens for the right reasons and each person involved has gotten themselves in a much healthier state. The relationship can be even stronger and go places it couldn't before all this happened to y'all-perhaps because each of you will have grown in good ways through the HEALING PROCESS. As you patience is tried throughout the healing process try to remind yourself that it IS a healing process and healing takes time and various factors in place in order for it to occur.
Sorry for such a long post!
Take care....
Blessed Be....