I've always been interested in this debate about disease v. choice. It seems like that debate plays itself out on these boards with some frequency. I guess I'm still not convinced there's one right answer. Both are really metaphors, and there are ways that both don't work. As far as how helpful the metaphors are for friends and family, it seems like both also have benefits and drawbacks. The disease metaphor helps friends and family to let go of their anger and develop compassion. It helps them to detach with love instead of detaching with anger. But it can also sometimes justify enabling. The choice metaphor helps friends and family to hold the addict accountable and soothe feelings of guilt on the part of the enabler, but can also fuel anger and make it more difficult to detach with love and compassion. I think it really just depends on where you are in your recovery journey and whether you need to distance yourself more or whether you need more to soothe your anger. It seems more like a balancing act than a right or wrong issue. Not sure what that says about your disagreement with your sponsor.