Okay, I recently met with my sponsor. Told her about how AH relapsed last week, it's no big deal to me - I feel bad for the guy but at the same time this really doesn't impact me. We don't live together, he doesn't drink around me or the girls. If he's going to drink, he's going to drink, nothing I can do about it. I offered him as much empathy as I could and told him I was sorry he was going through a difficult time.
Anywho, so I'm telling my sponsor about this and I said "...I feel bad that he made the choice to drink..." and she spent about 30 minutes telling me that I'm not compassionate because I think he has a choice in whether he drinks or not. That I don't understand the disease (I fully agree that I don't understand - I understand alcoholism as much as my husband will even understand pregnancy. He knows how the science of it, but not the first hand experience of it.). Then she tells me that I need to go to an open AA meeting but when I ask her what those are like she tells me that she doesn't know because she's never actually been to one herself.
Someone on SR opened my eyes to the wonders of the Mr.Sponsorpants blog where I discovered the phrase "we're not responsible for the 1st thought that comes into our minds, but we ARE responsible for the 2nd though." I have no doubts that my husband wants to drink. I don't doubt that it's really difficult to quiet those thoughts.
But ultimately it IS his choice to drive to the liquor store.
It IS his choice to select a bottle from the shelf.
It IS his choice to purchase that bottle.
It IS his choice to open the bottle and pour the contents into his mouth.
It IS his choice to continue to drink that bottle.
Further it IS his choice to not call someone in a moment of desperation, when the bad choices feel like the BEST or ONLY choice.
It's my choice to decide how to react to him as much as it's his choice to choose to do these things. My choices effect ME the most but they also effect the other people in my life.
She tried comparing alcoholic to cancer and then was frustrated when I asked that we compare it to diabetes instead. I imagine that it's difficult for a diabetic to go to a birthday party, ice cream social, Starbucks for Pete's sake, etc. with the temptation of sweets but knowing that it could very well kill you. But the decision lies within their own ability to make good choices.
Right? Or have I somehow completely missed her point? Drinking is a choice. It is how some addicts DO stay clean.
Right?