Fly n buy.......I will be forced by the court to go to these meetings......its part of the process to get into a special program. No one is going to throw me in jail even if I don't join the special program but it's in my best interest to do that. I have also been stunt emotionally......I was abused , disrespected, neglected, molested and unloved from at least age 3 to 15.......that's hard to get over and I fear I won't be able to. What I learned from my childhood is to never allow anyone or trust anyone to protect my best interests. I'm 52.....and I'm still that way. And yeah I think of things in black and white terms......there's no such thing as half pregnant. Thanks for your post.