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My first AA meeting experience

Old 10-22-2015, 06:04 AM
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My first AA meeting experience

I went. It was a step 2 meeting, I thought it was a speaker meeting. Good news ......the people there were engaged in the discussion. Bad news. I don't believe in a higher power, if there was one where's it been all these years and what now cause I'm at an aa meeting I can summon it like a genie. I think sobriety is about self control w a willingness to avoid self destruction. Anyway I don't want to do the steps......for example ......making amends......everything I've done I meant, talking about your inventory......my psychiatrist told me not to think about the past because I can not fix it. Yet aa wants me to dump it all out . If I go there ......I'll be drinking in a second. I'm going to another aa meeting tonight , it's a speaker meeting at a rehab. I'm going to be forced to go to these meetings for 90 days so I may as well find the ones that don't **** me off ahead of time. I realize I'm stubborn but I'm not stupid.
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Old 10-22-2015, 06:10 AM
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A higher power can be anything Debbie. It could even be the collective her on SR.

Try to find things that you can utilize at the meetings vs. trying to seek things that you don't agree with. I am not an AA regular myself but I find a lot of good advice in the big book and I do enjoy the comeraderie and understanding of those at AA meetings.
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Old 10-22-2015, 06:24 AM
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Scott I wish sober recovery counted towards the 90 meetings I'm going to be forced to go to. I like it here.....so much and I get so much out of it. It's why I have been able to stay sober for months at a time. I did listen to everyone intently and it seemed most were struggling w explaining how they've accepted step two. I just want the down and dirty advice. What I got out of it .......I drank because I wanted too.......period. Because that true........regardless of my anxiety and depression it was my decision. The higher power didn't come to my rescue because cause it doesn't exist. I lost control of myself and I could not stop myself no matter what. I wanted relief and relief I got.......w some bad, very bad consequences.
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Old 10-22-2015, 06:30 AM
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Originally Posted by Debbie329 View Post
Scott I wish sober recovery counted towards the 90 meetings I'm going to be forced to go to. I like it here.....so much and I get so much out of it. It's why I have been able to stay sober for months at a time. I did listen to everyone intently and it seemed most were struggling w explaining how they've accepted step two. I just want the down and dirty advice. What I got out of it .......I drank because I wanted too.......period. Because that true........regardless of my anxiety and depression it was my decision. The higher power didn't come to my rescue because cause it doesn't exist. I lost control of myself and I could not stop myself no matter what. I wanted relief and relief I got.......w some bad, very bad consequences.
Again, just take what you can and leave the rest. As you said, speaker meeting or other non-step meetings might be more valuable. You cannot change the fact that you need to attend the meetings, so you might as well make the best of it. Fighting it and getting yourself all worked up is not going to help you at all.
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Old 10-22-2015, 07:01 AM
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I'm not going to fight the process and let it take up head space. I think your idea of sober recovery being my higher power is an acceptable idea.....it's been my best resource. I'm looking forward to tonight's meeting, there are also meetings there on Saturday and Sunday ......that leaves me w 4 days to add meetings. I'm doing my research. I do wanna get something out of this .......and I'm not going to get anything out of meetings where I resist their philosophy.
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Old 10-22-2015, 07:10 AM
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Take it one step at a time and try not to give too much of it too much thought. I dunno how your AA group is. Mine? i go when i want here and there I sit there listen to the stories and offer a few words from time to time then I leave normally feeling pretty good. I dont dive into it much more then that.

I dont like following the book with anything in life i prefer to do stuff my way. of course this is what gets me into so much trouble becuase it aint burger king i cant always have it my way. I 've had to learn how to live life on lifes terms etc.. But the idea of systematically following the steps kinda screws with my head as well. becuase the reality is i'm not going to be somehow cured by going through all of those motions. But for me I think its good to be mindful of them practice them when needed not exactly in order etc.. its not an ok i did all 12 and i'm done sorta thing.

If you sit there tho all half cocked and ticked off about it you might miss something important. seriously you dont like aa? maybe 99% of what you hear there is crap to you but there might be that 1% where you go hmmm i kinda needed that today.... So try not to totally shut it out.

hang in there.
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Old 10-22-2015, 07:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Debbie329 View Post
I do wanna get something out of this .......and I'm not going to get anything out of meetings where I resist their philosophy.
That sounds like a good plan. Also keep in mind that even if you don't agree with some of the tenets of the AA program, the ultimate goal is sobriety - which is also your goal.
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Old 10-22-2015, 07:34 AM
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Are there other sorts of meetings you can attend? SMART for example has many meetings nowadays all over the country. I couldn't stand AA personally, but it is camaraderie and there's huge value in that, especially if it's the only local support group option you have. And you don't have to get a sponsor and work the steps (unless someone is going to make you?), you can just sit there and tune out the dogma and try to make some friends. You almost certainly are not the only person there who doesn't believe in the dogma.
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Old 10-22-2015, 07:46 AM
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my higher power was there my entire life. im the one that turned my back on it.
my past held the key to my future. i could have decided to not look at it but that kelp me drunk for years. i was able to find out what makes me tick.
i have been able to rignt many of the wrongs i did in my past.
and today my past is a very valuable posession.

when i got my second DUI, i wasnt forced to go to aa. i was given a choice: either that or time in jail.
its the consequences i had to face.

its good to see ya see the results resistance will bring. theres quite a few people here that arent members of aa and still got something from it.
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Old 10-22-2015, 08:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Debbie329 View Post
I wish sober recovery counted towards the 90 meetings I'm going to be forced to go to.
No one can force you to go to meetings - I am sure there's some level of choice in there.

Many go kicking and screaming into AA , you are not unique. As alcoholics we don't like to be told what to do and eventually we may not like the choices we are given as bondage in alcohol does that to us. I made instant judgments about most things. I have found in sobriety most of those immature actions were fueled by stunned emotional development caused by drinking poison daily for many years.

I was an agnostic if we need a label, that's close I guess - when I went into AA. I decided for one of the first times in my life I try some suggestions. I got a sponsor. did some step work to the best of my ability and move forward with my life.

I always perceived the world to be black or white. I have found today it is shaded = gray. I just don't think in absolutes much anymore. Not true for all things, but many.

Glad you're here - thanks for the post and hope you too find your way!!

"....and though perhaps he came to scoff, he may remain to pray"
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Old 10-22-2015, 08:44 AM
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Don't get all hung up on step 6, 7, 8 until you have done 1-5.

Its going to be ok. One day at a time.
And I don't know where this 90 in 90 thing came from, but I got sober so I would HAVE a life, not replace drinking with AA.
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Old 10-22-2015, 10:55 AM
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Thanks Zjw.....I did get something out of that meeting......but your right 99% of it I discarded. The guy I went w said I had the look on my face of negativity, confusion and bewilderment. And if I had shared my thought I would have pissed off a lot of people. I plan on keeping my mouth shut and just listening. Next week is step 3 .......I don't believe in any of that either.......but I'll go and come back on here and see if someone has a concept that I could accept......like Scott said sober recovery could be my higher power.......I'll call it my best resource and I'm done w step. 2. Thanks for your response.
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Old 10-22-2015, 11:00 AM
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Tom Steve.......I just found sober recovery in May and it has been better than anything else I've tried.......so for sure I'll keep coming here. I'm not going to look at my past anymore.......it was ugly......I was treated like an animal abandoned and persecuted by family. I'd just as well forget them.
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Old 10-22-2015, 11:08 AM
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Fly n buy.......I will be forced by the court to go to these meetings......its part of the process to get into a special program. No one is going to throw me in jail even if I don't join the special program but it's in my best interest to do that. I have also been stunt emotionally......I was abused , disrespected, neglected, molested and unloved from at least age 3 to 15.......that's hard to get over and I fear I won't be able to. What I learned from my childhood is to never allow anyone or trust anyone to protect my best interests. I'm 52.....and I'm still that way. And yeah I think of things in black and white terms......there's no such thing as half pregnant. Thanks for your post.
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Old 10-22-2015, 11:11 AM
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Double barrel 90 in 90 is the requirement to avoid a Dui on my record. I can choose to not go and then have a dui on my record but that's not in my best interest.
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Old 10-22-2015, 11:38 AM
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I like double barrels point about the 90 in 90 giving up drinking and replacing it with AA seems insane to me. But yeah if you have to do it to avoid the DUI on your record go for it.

I know a few folks where AA is like there life now. So be it i guess. Heck I probably spend too much time on SR lol. But its part of my routine to keep my sanity and such. Maybe thats what others do by going to AA non stop.

Once your done with whatever requirements you gotta fulfill it doesnt have to be AA that keeps you from the bottle. IT can be a host of things. coming here going for a walk drinking a cup of tea reading a book talking to a friend it doesnt have to be AA. BUT from my expierence it has to be somehting and for me it has to be something basicly daily. I think thats what they mean by sobriety "program" IE i'm following my program rararara. For me My program involves coming here running reading books and meditation. If i dont do these things daily i start to slip and I worry i'd slip up too far and start drinken.

For me AA is just something I toss into the picture now and then to help round me out give me a different perspective etc..
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Old 10-22-2015, 12:35 PM
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I used to walk around the lake here 3.4 miles but I stopped because a. I got lazy. B.the lake no longer feels safe.......and c. I'm studying. I'm resistant to AA because of what I've seen people in the program do.......still drinking and drugging plus my previous therapist told me not to go there......she said a lot of them are seriously sick in the head and that I don't need and b. She doesn't believe in AA.....she said if they had the answer they would have told us what it is. So since I have to go.....I may as well find some meetings that don't effect my mood......I'm sure the rehab show tonight will be run by professionals w lots of experience. Thanks
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Old 10-22-2015, 12:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Debbie329 View Post
I went. It was a step 2 meeting, I thought it was a speaker meeting. Good news ......the people there were engaged in the discussion. Bad news. I don't believe in a higher power, if there was one where's it been all these years and what now cause I'm at an aa meeting I can summon it like a genie. I think sobriety is about self control w a willingness to avoid self destruction. Anyway I don't want to do the steps......for example ......making amends......everything I've done I meant, talking about your inventory......my psychiatrist told me not to think about the past because I can not fix it. Yet aa wants me to dump it all out . If I go there ......I'll be drinking in a second. I'm going to another aa meeting tonight , it's a speaker meeting at a rehab. I'm going to be forced to go to these meetings for 90 days so I may as well find the ones that don't **** me off ahead of time. I realize I'm stubborn but I'm not stupid.
Hi Debbie ----HP (God) was always tricky for me, and I'm no Spring chicken. Dont throw out the baby with the bath water. By genuinely turning to a force for the good, beyond your understanding, you can make some progress.
I was agnostic/atheistic for yonks but have moved considerably the other way..............
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Old 10-22-2015, 12:52 PM
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Originally Posted by zjw View Post
I like double barrels point about the 90 in 90 giving up drinking and replacing it with AA seems insane to me. But yeah if you have to do it to avoid the DUI on your record go for it.

I know a few folks where AA is like there life now. So be it i guess. Heck I probably spend too much time on SR lol. But its part of my routine to keep my sanity and such. Maybe thats what others do by going to AA non stop.

Once your done with whatever requirements you gotta fulfill it doesnt have to be AA that keeps you from the bottle. IT can be a host of things. coming here going for a walk drinking a cup of tea reading a book talking to a friend it doesnt have to be AA. BUT from my expierence it has to be somehting and for me it has to be something basicly daily. I think thats what they mean by sobriety "program" IE i'm following my program rararara. For me My program involves coming here running reading books and meditation. If i dont do these things daily i start to slip and I worry i'd slip up too far and start drinken.

For me AA is just something I toss into the picture now and then to help round me out give me a different perspective etc..
I don't think the courts here in Australia sentence people to 90 meetings in a row. The police do give AA here problem drinkers telephone numbers for AA to give them a call to recommend a meeting etc.
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Old 10-22-2015, 02:28 PM
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Buboeski here is the USA incarceration is their answer for everything......we spend more on incarceration in 11 of our states than education.......it's a business. They aren't trying to help people.....they're just making money, ruining people's lives, and terrorizing them. The USA I'm afraid to say is not the great country the world thinks. It's a dump ....where a small portion of the people have most of the money resources and connections and the majority of the people are exploited. That's the reality.
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