Thank you both.
I agree with calling an ambulance if he threatens it infront of me - in fact I had my phone in hand and told him I would. With that, he said I was uncaring. Yes, more manipulation.
I'm definite now that I will not contact him - he can get himself some credit if he really wants to contact me. When he does, I will still explain that I'm here for him as soon as he is sober.
In regards to our relationship when he's sober (IF he gets there and does die) I'm hoping that going back to AA and to church will help him fill the void of happiness. I've explained so many times I cannot be his main source of happiness as it puts me under a microscope and our relationship under strain.
Without defending him, he's honestly a kind, loyal, very caring man. He is just totally controlled by his insecurities and his inability to regulate his emotions or take responsibilty for himself.
I think he's had 10 years of being manipulative and lying (for alcohol purposes) that it extends into his sobriety. It's like a learned behaviour. Hes used to getting what he wants/needs I guess. I'm very much tough headed and I don't give in, but even I have found myself slowly and subtly weaved into control.
I'm hoping he gets the help he needs mentally to 'rewire' his though processes. Maybe AA and Church will do that for him.
He is very self aware, and remains adamant he doesn't want to be this person, but he says he doesn't know how to change his thoughts.
Anyway I really am waffling.
I will definitely take the advice and leave him be until he is sober. I will then stick by him if he goes to Church, AA and seeks some resources to educate himself on his behaviour.