Day 23 and counting...
Hi all.
Day 23 and counting...
Part of the problem I have is knowing what to do with the massive void in my life now I don't drink.
Alcohol took up so much of my time!
Not only with the actual drinking time, but with the thinking about it...
Planning where to buy it, at what time, working that around my day so no-one else knew, buying nice food to cook for the family to enable me to drink whilst cooking...
Everything I did had an ulterior motive, to feed my addiction.
The first thing that I used to think when someone asked me to do something was how will I be able to get away with drinking whilst doing that? Or that's a bit late in the day for me to be able to drive anywhere... Have to try and get out of that!
All thoughts were of booze.
When we were on our family holidays at our caravan, all days out revolved around me being able to drink. If it was a trip where I could have booze with lunch then we could be out for longer. But if that wasn't happening, then I'd make sure we were back at the caravan early so I could get on the booze ASAP. Every evening we had a bbq, obviously accompanied by copious amounts of wine, usually boxed so only I knew how much I drank, cos I always bought an extra box in the supermarket to swap with the empty one at an opportune moment.
All thoughts and actions controlled or at least affected by booze.
What a boring life!
That's no way to live.
I feel like I've wasted the last 25 years of my life on booze.
Barely functioning.
Not realising my full potential or even a fraction of it.
My family don't know the real me.
I don't even know the real me.
I hope I'm a good bloke!
Looking forward to getting to know myself!
It's only when you post like this that you start to understand yourself a bit...
So thanks for that, and I hope this helps even 1 other person reading this, cos being sober is incredibly difficult after all the years of abuse us lot have put in. But I'm starting to realise just how worth it sobriety really is.
Even if I still get the cravings and the AV, and the anxiety and all the rest of it.
People who are sober have so much time to do worthwhile interesting stuff!
Regards to you all and thanks for reading.