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Day 23 and counting...

Old 10-15-2015, 01:19 AM
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Day 23 and counting...

Hi all.
Day 23 and counting...
Part of the problem I have is knowing what to do with the massive void in my life now I don't drink.
Alcohol took up so much of my time!
Not only with the actual drinking time, but with the thinking about it...
Planning where to buy it, at what time, working that around my day so no-one else knew, buying nice food to cook for the family to enable me to drink whilst cooking...
Everything I did had an ulterior motive, to feed my addiction.
The first thing that I used to think when someone asked me to do something was how will I be able to get away with drinking whilst doing that? Or that's a bit late in the day for me to be able to drive anywhere... Have to try and get out of that!
All thoughts were of booze.
When we were on our family holidays at our caravan, all days out revolved around me being able to drink. If it was a trip where I could have booze with lunch then we could be out for longer. But if that wasn't happening, then I'd make sure we were back at the caravan early so I could get on the booze ASAP. Every evening we had a bbq, obviously accompanied by copious amounts of wine, usually boxed so only I knew how much I drank, cos I always bought an extra box in the supermarket to swap with the empty one at an opportune moment.
All thoughts and actions controlled or at least affected by booze.
What a boring life!
That's no way to live.
I feel like I've wasted the last 25 years of my life on booze.
Barely functioning.
Not realising my full potential or even a fraction of it.
My family don't know the real me.
I don't even know the real me.
I hope I'm a good bloke!
Looking forward to getting to know myself!
It's only when you post like this that you start to understand yourself a bit...
So thanks for that, and I hope this helps even 1 other person reading this, cos being sober is incredibly difficult after all the years of abuse us lot have put in. But I'm starting to realise just how worth it sobriety really is.
Even if I still get the cravings and the AV, and the anxiety and all the rest of it.
People who are sober have so much time to do worthwhile interesting stuff!
Regards to you all and thanks for reading.
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Old 10-15-2015, 02:46 AM
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Sounds just like how I used to be. I am so grateful today I don't wear those chains and am well on my way working recovery!
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Old 10-15-2015, 03:01 AM
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Congratulations on day 23!!!
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Old 10-15-2015, 03:38 AM
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I'm sure you'll find you're a good bloke Gravy Train - sounds like you're well and truly on the right track too

welcome to SR

D
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Old 10-15-2015, 04:23 AM
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Hey there!

Well done on 23 days! Can you imagine saying that to yourself 4 weeks ago when you were in the midst of the chaos of thinking about drinking, buying drinks, planning drinking, actually drinking, recovering from drinking, like you say it was all consuiming. I feel exactly the same. Day 38 for me, hard to really believe it...

I would recommend taking up some new hobbies, however small and futile they might seem. I paint pebbles, I collect them from the beach, paint them with acrylic paint, design something or write something on them with permanent markers and then varnish them. It's quick but very satisfying!

I also volunteer for a few different groups which when I was drinking was hard to keep up with, I used to go to meetings but clock watch until I could go home and drink again. Or I used to promise to be somewhere in the morning, knowing what challenge that would be, and then turn up hungover as hell. Now I'm relishing the fact that I'm clear headed, present and sober, it feels so nice to be able to RELY on MYSELF again : ))))

Try and fill your time so you don't have that void : )
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Old 10-15-2015, 04:54 AM
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Keep up the great work pal - be kind to yourself right now mate - the inquests etc can wait. If I was you I'd be just focusing on building up the sober time.
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Old 10-15-2015, 05:50 AM
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Originally Posted by GravyTrain View Post
People who are sober have so much time to do worthwhile interesting stuff!
BOOM!



I used to tell myself I needed to drink to fill up all the extra time I had. Now I don't drink and I wish I had more time to do all of the things I want to do!
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Old 10-15-2015, 10:36 AM
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Nice to meet you GravyTrain
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Old 10-15-2015, 10:56 AM
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Fantastic job on 23 days GT! I felt the same way about drinking away 21 years of my life. Now you get to re-define who you are. There is nothing better than knowing you didn't waste yesterday by drinking. Yesterday might not have been all roses and rainbows, but I know I didn't waste it in the bottle.

Great job on 23!
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Old 10-15-2015, 11:15 AM
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Great post and congrats on 23 days. I completely relate and could have written this myself. I also used up a lot of mental space in regret, shame and depression. Such a waste. But today I can do things differently. I'm about 4 months this time and it does get easier dealing with the empty space/time. I have started volunteering albeit only about 6 hours a week so far. But its a start. I also find I'm just getting used to 'being' as opposed to always planning, manipulating, lying, coping with shame etc. I can just hang out without doing much of anything much more easily. Give it more time.
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Old 10-15-2015, 02:40 PM
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Great job on Day 23!! Keep it going!!
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