I did two 90-day programs about a year and a half apart, as well as aftercare. I am presently about halfway through a 18-27 month aftercare program through a Denver non-profit (anyone is welcome to PM for details). These programs have given me plenty of tools to use in order to stay healthy, which goes far beyond simply abstaining from the booze.
I'm pleased to see the admission that the reason previous programs didn't work for you has been your unwillingness to allow them to work. I was the same. AA, moving home to live with the folks at 27 years old, two 90-day programs that I did remarkably well in, etc, et all didn't get me cleaned up because, frankly, there was still enough indecision and reservation in me to allow myself a "one more time."
My laundry list of conseqences is like yours; that is, typical. Broken relationships, financial ruin, loss of self-worth, all par for the course. My stints helped me begin the process of rebuilding those things, but they were not "cured" or "fixed" or anything else. It was training. I was presented with tools, given cursory training on how to use them, and then allowed to either practice with those tools or stagnate through non-use.
Let me put this very plainly for you...
My tools remained unused for WAY too long. Until the pain of continued drinking became so great that it outweighed the pain of getting healthy, dealing with all the intrinsic problems that caused me to want to alter reality, and learning a new way to live, they did jack all. It had to get so bad, I had to be so ruined and destroyed multiple times over that I could accept my condition both intellectually and emotionally. The emotional part was what got me...I could intellectualize things away, and drinking helped me not feel.
I had to want to be healthy more than I wanted to be f***ed up. I cannot state it any more simply.
If you're honest and willing, I can tell you, based on my experiences, what might be in store...
Expect it to hurt. Emotional trauma will have to be dealt with. It will be painful. There's no substance to block the emotions anymore. But it SHOULD be cathartic and therapeutic, with purpose and resolution.
Expect to be uncomfortable. I am now, and ONLY now, figuring out how to be comfortable with myself without altering my reality. Without a substance, it will be a challenge, but it may offer clues as to internal things that caused you to drink.
Expect accountability. Addicts are not unique and not exempt. If your therapy team is worth their fee, they'll hold your feet to the fire to get you to recognize your role in bad things. It will also allow you to see how you can improve and live positively instead of chaotically.
Expect support. People will back you up and help you. I gained more from the residents than my therapy team.
Expect healing. Digging through the past and your junk in an isolated, intensive setting is all sorts of a harsh reality. When you face that stuff, you start to heal.
Do NOT expect it to be the end. I didn't use the tools for entirely too long. They got rusty, and I was out of practice. Recovery is a journey, and this is only the foundation. Do your best to make it a good one.
Any number of us other posters will attest that life is better in recovery. I wish you the best to do what is necessary to begin a new way of living. Please keep us posted (journaling was helpful for me while I was in), and let us know how all turns out.