Going to rehab next weekend and am terrified
Hello all,
I apologize if you've already read my post on another board. Trying to get all the support I can.
My story is a familiar one. Social drinking turned into problem drinking. Been drinking at least a bottle of wine most nights for several years.
My husband finally had it with my drinking. He filed for divorce, moved out and took our son. He was over all of my half-promises to quit (I just hid the wine and didn't drink in front of him. But duh, it's obvious.) I tried nal, baclofen, topa, AA, etc and nothing "worked." Meaning, I wasn't ready for anything to work.
My life has sucked for some time now. I wake up feeling like ****, can't get my act together before 11am, am unmotivated to do anything (find a job, clean my closet, etc...) -- hell, I'd divorce me, too.
It is heartbreaking that it took a divorce petition and my husband taking custody of our son for me to finally take action. For many years I've been selfish, self-centered and my world has become smaller and smaller because of my drinking. My kids have suffered.
Next week, I'm going to rehab. It's a 6-8 week (non 12-step) program and I'm leaving my 4 children (three are 18 and high school seniors), which scares the crap out of me. They are great kids but they can't even unclog a toilet, lol. I am so anxious but I have to do this for them. They deserve better.
I know some of you have gone to rehab, read both good and bad things. This place doesn't accept court-ordered rehab cases or anyone under 22. The director said they only accept people who are actively seeking recovery. Don't know if any of that matters.
I am sick and tired of the way I've allowed alcohol to affect my life and relationships.....but I never expected to do inpatient treatment. My husband is footing the bill for the whole deal. I'm really, really worried about leaving my kids for so long, especially my teens. Their dad (not my husband) says he doesn't have enough room for them to stay with him and my husband (their stepdad) has, as I mentioned, moved out.
Hope to report on my experience when I return....in the meantime, I wish everyone who struggles with this strength and resolve. Thank you for reading my story.