Originally Posted by premedbails

I broke up with my alcoholic boyfriend about a month ago. We were together for three years. Some days are easier than others for me, others leave me in shambles.

I'm in the process of getting my undergraduate degree and I'm planning on applying to medical school when I graduate. I'm 20 years old.

He was everything to me; he supported me and was always there when I needed to talk. He gave me amazing advice and was the sweetest guy I've ever met. He was my best friend.

But as the years went by he started to circle the drain. We lived together for the last two years of our relationship and he got to the point where he would finish off at least a six pack of high alcohol content craft beer every single night. Other nights there would be ten beers and lots of whiskey. Then he started going out a lot, and I would stay home.

When he went out one of two things would happen:

1.) I wouldn't wait up for him. He would get home at 3 am after a long night of drinking and I would wake up to go to class in the morning lying in an ocean of his pee. Every. Single. Time. Before I left for class I would wake him to tell him to get up and wash the sheets and his hangover would rear its ugly head at me and he would make me cry. Then he would roll over and go back to sleep. I'd come home from class and the sheets would still be sopping wet, and he'd be in the living room having a drink to "fix his hangover".

2.) I would wait up for him. And he'd be sloppy and all over the place and pick fights with me and tell me everything was my fault. In the morning I'd wake up in the ocean of pee…again.

Then one night he was out late and I hadn't heard from him in several hours and was worried about him. I was about to just go to bed so I texted him, "Hope you're having fun, good night." And he quickly replied saying he'd be home in 15 minutes. So I waited up for him. An hour later he finally stumbled into the house and came into the bedroom. I finally realized he wasn’t the man I’d fallen in love with. He was different.

He was trashed and knew exactly what buttons to push to get me upset and make me feel like absolute shit…and I bawled my eyes out. Normally when I cried he would apologize and comfort me, but instead he bellowed, “LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!!” and for the first time in our relationship...I was afraid of him. I was scared and cowered into the corner of the room and he just walked out of the room and went into the living room to drink more and watch TV. I ended up spending the night at my parents’ house that night. The next day he didn’t even remember what had happened.

I broke up with him after not seeing him for several days, and he finally admitted he had a problem and begged me to stay…but I couldn’t do it anymore.

Now it’s been a month and I can’t stop being upset about it. I miss what we used to have before he got bad. I hate that I had to break up with someone I was still in love with. The last time we talked was over text, and I wanted to talk in person and see how he was doing but he told me he was the same and he couldn’t leave the bottle. He told me if he saw me it would just be too painful and he couldn’t do it.

I’m turning 21 in a month and I can’t even look at alcohol. I’ve never been a big drinker, but I was excited to finally go to the bars with friends. Now I don’t even think I’m going to go out for my 21st birthday. It would just be too painful.

I'm sorry this is so long...I just need some encouragement. I need the support of people who have gone through this and I need to know that I made the right decision. I miss the old, sober Alex so much.