Thanks for your posts and please don't apologize for being detailed. It helps others to see themselves in your writing, as you are very descriptive. You are right where you need to be. Pleae understand that for some, relapse is part of understand how bad it can get. I was a drinker/drugger and it has taken like three years of AA and constant relapses for me to reach my low and say NO MORE. Please try an AA meeting in your area, if you don't like that one, go to another. They say, try AA for 30 days and if you still don't like it, we will cheerfully refund your misery.
Good luck , keep on posting.