Gosh I wish I could just sleep.
Sobriety long-tern isn't easy, but boy is the first night of it especially hard. It isn't that I want a drink, but it's that, like the last time, I chose sobriety today because of a horrible night prior.
Just keep thinking about it, and boy is it getting me riled and embarrassed and all sorts of things.
That I threw the cigarettes too isn't helping either. With alcohol it's mostly something that comes on at night or through things that influence me towards it, but cigarettes are hourly (even half-hourly, sometimes) cravings of an extremely powerful level for me.
But I've done it all before. Just got to get through tonight and maybe tomorrow and I'll stop thinking about that last drink and get moving with sober thinking. And cigarettes take me about a week to get used to not having, but I've done it so I just need to keep remembering that.
But man--- can't seem to get comfy. Just want to make coffee or something, but it being 5 in the morning makes that seem rather silly.
I will say that I am excited to wake up tomorrow. Haven't been sober in a month and this is why my sleep is all off, and also it's why I can never wake up in the morning except when I have to get out of bed for class. I've got the alarm set for noon (which is 6 hours earlier than I've been waking!) and as I'm sober I think I'll be able to actually get up. It's really getting to be the fall season so I just want to walk around in the cool weather and take big gulps of actual air and just feel all those clicks inside my head as it gets out of this craziness and restores to good, sober order.