(((TTO)))
You're not alone . You're in a safe place. You'll be able to process and heal from these things. Baby steps. Easy does it.
It's okay to feel these things. It's also okay to set it aside to be fully felt and dealt with at other times, when you're ready. It only requires willingness and learning to reach out to others who've gone through similar things, and are also healing. The rest will come in time.
I'm so sorry this happened, and the trauma from it.
How are you doing this week? Have you done something kind for yourself?
I'm in Montana, also Our state has some good recovery groups and programs.