I'm Crying As I Write This

Old 10-01-2015, 03:45 PM
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I'm Crying As I Write This

July 4th, 2010.

Family get-together. Food, bonfire. fireworks....and....alcohol. All the teenage cousins were there. All the aunts and most of the uncles.

Things were going okay, I guess, up to a point. Most of the adults were drinking or had been drinking. Some more under the influence than others. I was concerned some of adults were allowing their underage kids to also drink. I never allowed or encouraged that with my kids...and they thanked me later, saying, "I sure am glad you guys did not drink around us growing."

So, back to that 4th of July, which has forever change me, not only because of the grief I had to process afterwards, but the way it TRAUMATIZED me and completely broke my heart. I walked away from it not knowing how I would ever RECOVER from it!

So, all of the teenage cousins were drinking with the exception of my daughter. (she was traumatized from the whole thing too), but seems to have recovered from much better than I...

They were drinking up at the house, while most of the adults were outside at the bonfire and watching fireworks. Then there was a loud commotion heard coming from the house. So the adults ran back up to the house and discovered that some of the teenagers had gotten a bunch of hard liquor out from one of the kitchen cupboards and some them started guzzling the hard stuff...My dear neice, who was only 16 at the time had been drinking wine and beer off and on all afternoon and evening...then she started guzzling the hard stuff, just chugging it right down while being agged on to do that by my nephew. This nephew was already pretty toasted by that time...and he started to get a fight with my other nephew and then blew up and pulled a knife out and threatened to kill himself. While the adults were intervening to get situation under control...my neice suddenly didn't look so hot...pastey which and passing out...and then starting to turn a terrible shade of blue...

We made her vomit right then and there, which may have been what saved her life...but she didn't pull out of it anytime soon...for next while she continued to look worse and worse...and for certain looking exactly like a person who is on their death bed, taking those last few gasps of air...we managed to keep her breathing somehow. We didn't know how much she had to drink total...and there is no anecdote to reverse alcohol..we were way out in the middle of MT..out in critter country...should we call an ambulance? And would it get there in time? I sweated bullets for next hour keeping her breathing, managed to get into a cold shower...which would be like giving her a shot of adrenalin...which is one of the first drugs they give for cardiac arrest...after the cold shower, she started to turn around ....

Oh my God. Can you say, "Oh MY GOD?!!!!"

If all of that wasn't bad enough...I found out later from my daughter that my siblings bought all that hard liquor, (and there were several bottles of it) just prior to the shindig, with the WILLFUL INTENT of "getting all the cousins DRUNK." And, can you say: "OH MY GOD!!!".

If I already didn't have PTSD issues, it became official that night.

Thanks for reading. This is a true story...oh how I wish it wasn't..

Just needed to vent. And I can tell already this is an incredibly supportive community.



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Old 10-01-2015, 07:41 PM
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We are here to support you!! Vent away! It helps to get all the yucky stuff out. I'm do sorry you had to witness that; I cannot imagine.
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Old 10-01-2015, 07:59 PM
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(((TTO)))

You're not alone . You're in a safe place. You'll be able to process and heal from these things. Baby steps. Easy does it.

It's okay to feel these things. It's also okay to set it aside to be fully felt and dealt with at other times, when you're ready. It only requires willingness and learning to reach out to others who've gone through similar things, and are also healing. The rest will come in time.

I'm so sorry this happened, and the trauma from it.

How are you doing this week? Have you done something kind for yourself?

I'm in Montana, also Our state has some good recovery groups and programs.
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Old 10-01-2015, 08:18 PM
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Wow! I'd be traumatized too.
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Old 10-01-2015, 08:25 PM
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Teens often don't get it, they try to hide it from the adults, think it will get better. I wish every teen was told when to call an ambulance.
My nephew, not a wild boy or an A, had to be taken to hospital and have his stomach pumped after drinking too much. So grateful to his friends for reacting quickly.
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Old 10-01-2015, 10:46 PM
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Oh, it just makes my heart sick to think of all the college students who die of alcohol overdose every year! When my kids went off to college I was worried sick and definitely became a Prayer Warrior!

Thanks all. You are very kind.
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Old 10-02-2015, 09:17 PM
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Originally Posted by keepingthefaith View Post
(((TTO)))

You're not alone . You're in a safe place. You'll be able to process and heal from these things. Baby steps. Easy does it.

It's okay to feel these things. It's also okay to set it aside to be fully felt and dealt with at other times, when you're ready. It only requires willingness and learning to reach out to others who've gone through similar things, and are also healing. The rest will come in time.

I'm so sorry this happened, and the trauma from it.

How are you doing this week? Have you done something kind for yourself?

I'm in Montana, also Our state has some good recovery groups and programs.
I love Montana, I really do. It was just a very bad freaky night and my family got crazy with booze. Writing about it was one of my assignments from my counselor. Also going to Al Anon. Why I didn't start going sooner, I don't know. We tend to put these things off, when help is there if we would only seek and ask.

I love my family so very very much. That is why this hurts so much...

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