Hello everyone,
It's been months since I last posted and my AH has seemed to have progressed worse and worse
He has gone from living with his mum to moving in with a 20 year old that works for him (he's 32) and starting a relationship with her. I have several mutual friends that know this girl and they say she is a big drinker so I fear he is continuing his lifestyle of drink and pills
it's heartbreaking to know that he missed both our daughters birthdays
my heart is broken that my husband who seemed to have so many strong morals moved out of our family home to get better and ended up having an affair and moving in with someone who validates his lifestyle
is this a common thing, for them to end up with someone who also struggles with substance abuse? Apparently this girl has stopped looking after herself and looks "rough". This is not the man I knew and it's so hard to realise that! I am continuing to try very hard to take the focus off of him and onto myself and my 2 little girls. We deserve our own happiness and if he has chosen to carry on, so be it. I put so much time into doing things for us but it's easy to "wonder" what he's doing. I'm so much better than I was though.
I wanted to ask you guys about denial. My AH has been to solicitors about my refusal to let him have the children on his own (I currently meet him once a week so he can spend time with the girls at local play areas/restaurants). Would an addict/alcoholic in denial really not believe they have a problem!? Even though it's so obvious to people around them!? Would they really see a solicitor!? I have told him he can start having the children unsupervised when he can prove with hair strand tests that he's clean and has been for a substantial amount of time. He told me he cannot take the tests until mid November! He said he will take urine or blood tests though. Whenever I stand my ground with him he is so nasty and bullies me about my home (tells me to get out, his dad owns the house) or anything else he thinks he can control - he's a massive control freak. He says he's been clean for 8 weeks, but has had no rehab or support and is still living with this girl! He's been on pills and drinking for at least 2 years so surely he couldn't just stop!? He still looks unshaven and with watery eyes and a runny nose. Am I being unfair to not believe a word that comes out of his mouth!?!? His words say one thing but his behaviour rings so many alarm bells for me!! It's so hard because all I want to do is protect my children from him and what he's doing
he constantly tells me I'm being unfair to him and the girls and that he will prove me wrong when we have mediation in 2 weeks time. He keeps saying "I have sorted myself out" and "I haven't got a problem, I have a glass of wine every other day but have stopped now and have only ever used pills when I've been unable to sleep". He has moved 3 sessions of mediation already (maybe in an attempt to get clean!?).
I feel like I'm doing the right thing not trusting him because his behaviour doesn't match someone in recovery, but part of me wonders if he really is clean!?
Does denial really work like this?
Thanks for reading x