CluelessSister

Feeling Great--

Thanks. I'm starting to get that general gist from other stuff I've been reading too, but like I said, most of it is about people in very different situations, so getting a personally tailored reply does help reinforce that message for me too.

And I can guarantee that's what mom's been doing: We learned from her that the way to deal with a problem is to fix it. If you can't seem to fix it, then clearly there's some communication glitch somewhere, so straighten that out so you can fix it.

I've come to know that you can't just "fix" problems or people, but mom's never figured that out. (She dealt with my undiagnosed depression as a kid/teen by telling me to smile, to cheer up, to not bring everyone else down, to explain what the problem was, because there's no reason I should feel down all the time {and she was increasingly frustrated that she couldn't seem to fix me. :-/ )

And I'm sure I backslide still... this is probably an example, no?

I just (and I'm sure this is nothing new, dammit) hate the idea of leaving her alone to deal with this. Alcoholism is a disease, right? So how do I find out that she's sick and then ditch her?

I'm most worried about *her* now. She literally broke her neck in a solo car accident two years ago on icy roads. Thankfully she fully recovered. Now I'm wondering if there was more than ice involved. If she's a danger to her self and others, how do I just not do anything?

Yeah, that would be something I could do, at least, right? I'm sure she's blaming herself both as an example and for failing to help sis. My mom never did any formal program (she's only just admitted it openly to me) but hers I knew about and she seems to have had her alcoholism under control for the past few decades.

Damn, I can see it's all good advice, but soooo not what I was looking to hear.

(And I didn't start with Al Anon because we were raised to, frankly, despise any religion or belief system. [I've call it being raised a Scientific Fundamentalist: If you can't prove it than it clearly doesn't exist. The Fundamentalism part covers how that's not actually a legitimate scientific approach to anything.)

I ended up as a religion major in college and grad school and have followed my own spiritual journey. But I wasn't surprised to hear my sister refuses to have anything to do with AA because it emphasizes God/religion/belief. Mom's not likely to be comfortable with it either. Hence me starting here. I think I'm going to check out the resources myself, though.)

Thanks for the advice. Now to figure out how to use it. :-/